How is it possible to attend a church of a few thousand people and be friendless? How is it possible to be a part of such a large ministry as we are for so long, and still be so lonely? How is it we can attend a Sunday School fellowship where more than 50 adults were present, and have no one to talk to? How can I have 347 Facebook friends, and of the handful that I would count true friends, none of them live anywhere around me?
I'm so alone, and I'm so tired of being all alone. Periodically I work myself into a nice well of self-pity and feel I could just drown in it. Around the holidays is usually the worst. I love people. I love to socialize. I love to have my home full of people, and around the holidays when fellowship is such a major theme, I have no one to fellowship with. I have many people who will paste on her smile and say "hi" to me as we pass at church, and she'll "pay her respects" when we are at a gathering together, but I have no one who I feel I could comfortably invite to my home. A Pampered Chef party is one thing, because not much fellowship is required at such gatherings. But for once, I would like to know how it feels to have some ask how I'm doing and believe that they really care to know.
The nice thing is that my children are unaffected by such snubbery. I watched my daughter openly play with the children of those who find me beneath them, and was thankful that these adults were able to allow children to be children. Oh, to be so young and carefree. To not even understand that other people wouldn't want to be friends with you. My daughter sees any child, whether at church, at the park, or at the store and she starts telling me that they are her friends. If I didn't have children, I wouldn't even have the few "friendly" acquaintances that I do have. My children are my only common ground with so many of the people around me.
Then there comes my husband. He is often times the only friend I have, but he's so busy and burdened most of the time. There are so many trivial things that I would like to just be able to talk to someone about, but since they're not of any great significance or importance, I feel I shouldn't be bothering him with such things. Even the author of "Created To Be His Helpmeet" says as much in her book. So then, who am I to turn to?
I have my mother and my one true friend Jen, but each, like myself, is so busy with her own children that phone conversations are difficult and more stressful than they are relaxing. If only we were closer together and could take our kids to a park where they would be entertained while we tried to talk with each other.
I know Christ needs to be my all in all, and I do try to remember that. But even at creation, God made Eve for Adam because it was not right for him to be alone. God recognized that humans needed the fellowship and friendship of other humans. I will continue to endeavor to make God my all, but as our relationship with God is often a reflection of our earthly relationship with humans, I often struggle in this area. The more deserted I feel by those humans around me, the more deserted I feel by God. When my husband doesn't have time or energy to listen to me, I feel God doesn't have time or energy to listen to me. When my mother (because my dad was never a good comparison to the role of my heavenly Father) doesn't have is distracted when I'm talking to her, giving a feeling of disinterest, I feel that God is too busy and distracted to listen or care for me as well.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
What can I give... Poor as I am?
After 2 1/2 years of dating and 4 1/2 years of marriage, I think my husband and I have only exchanged Christmas or birthday gifts only once--maybe twice. There was always something else that we had to spend money on. Christmas gifts and birthday festivities were an unnecessary expense. However, one thing I've always like to do at Christmas time is to participate in an Angel Tree giving program. You know, those Christmas trees set up at Sam's or Walmart with an angel hanging on it that tells you to buy a gift for a 6-year-old boy or a 76-year-old lady? I think last year was the first time in several years that I didn't do one of those trees. I've always loved to give to others--sometimes to my detriment. I can't always afford to give, and so have had to learn (often times the hard way) that I shouldn't spend the money if I don't have it. However, I think it is important to give to others. Especially now that I have young children, I want them to learn to give with compassion and to realize that while they have needs (and wants) there are other children elsewhere with those same needs and desires--and that some of those children have even greater needs than my own do. Ultimately, I want them to see the needs of others as opportunities to minister the Gospel. We will not be having a Christmas this year because we will be making a very important trip to see some of my family members who may not make it to another Christmas. But in spite of that, I want to still participate in a giving program.
I have found a Christian organization that I would like to participate with this year (and in the future) and would like to encourage others to do the same. The ministry is called Operation Christmas Child and is operated by Samaritan's Purse International Relief. What you are to do is fill a shoebox full of items for a child, download a label for the box, and then drop the box off at a designated location during the week of November 15. For many of my friends, this program may end up costing you only the shipping donation of $7 that is requested to help cover the cost of shipping packages. Many of my friends have stocked up on supplies through coupons and sales, and have many free items that they could place in these shoe boxes for these children. I know many people place mounds of presents under their Christmas trees for themselves, their children, and for visiting family members. We're blessed if we have one gift under our tree each year, and these children in these hurting countries will be doubly blessed to have a shoe box placed in their hands this year. Along with these boxes goes the Gospel, as that is the heart of this ministry. These children will be handed a gift, and with that gift of love placed into their hands, it will be much easier for them to accept God's gift of love into their hearts.
Along with the list placed on the website of suggested items to put in the box, I thought of some other items that could easily fit in a shoe box and would be exciting for a child (specifically a girl) to open up. At this time of year we should be able to get flip-flops for less than $2/pair. Many of these kids would love to have shoes! Another inexpensive item could be a pillowcase dress. And along with that I thought it would be fun to place a doll in the box wearing a matching pillowcase dress. These are just a few ideas, and there are some more listed on the OCC website. How great it would be to be a part of such a ministry to others!
I have found a Christian organization that I would like to participate with this year (and in the future) and would like to encourage others to do the same. The ministry is called Operation Christmas Child and is operated by Samaritan's Purse International Relief. What you are to do is fill a shoebox full of items for a child, download a label for the box, and then drop the box off at a designated location during the week of November 15. For many of my friends, this program may end up costing you only the shipping donation of $7 that is requested to help cover the cost of shipping packages. Many of my friends have stocked up on supplies through coupons and sales, and have many free items that they could place in these shoe boxes for these children. I know many people place mounds of presents under their Christmas trees for themselves, their children, and for visiting family members. We're blessed if we have one gift under our tree each year, and these children in these hurting countries will be doubly blessed to have a shoe box placed in their hands this year. Along with these boxes goes the Gospel, as that is the heart of this ministry. These children will be handed a gift, and with that gift of love placed into their hands, it will be much easier for them to accept God's gift of love into their hearts.
Along with the list placed on the website of suggested items to put in the box, I thought of some other items that could easily fit in a shoe box and would be exciting for a child (specifically a girl) to open up. At this time of year we should be able to get flip-flops for less than $2/pair. Many of these kids would love to have shoes! Another inexpensive item could be a pillowcase dress. And along with that I thought it would be fun to place a doll in the box wearing a matching pillowcase dress. These are just a few ideas, and there are some more listed on the OCC website. How great it would be to be a part of such a ministry to others!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Market Monday
Wow! What a l-o-n-g day. It was prefaced by a long night of one restless 2-year-old, and one sleepless 7-month-old, ending in one tired Mommy! It didn't help that the real feel today was at least 104! The baby woke up at 8, I nursed her, and we hit the stores. We started with gas, since we had none in the car...literally. I put over 17 gallons in a 17 gallon tank. I took one lump picture of my trip today, but will still give a bit of a breakdown. (I don't want to get too detailed because I'm ready for bed!)
My first stop was Walgreens where I did three transactions. I took advantage of each of their "free" items listed on the front page of their ad. So I came out with 2 bottles of vitamins (had a q, so paid $9 and got back $10RR for each), 1 box Crayola markers, 3 one-subject notebooks, 3 packs of index cards (still go through them almost as quickly as we did in college!), 1 bottle of contact solution, and a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. I paid oop (out-of-pocket) $13.97 and walked out with $10RR.
OOP: $13.97
Total without sale: $50.33
Saved: $36.36
RR: $10
I then stopped at CVS to get the Austin crackers that were on sale 10/$10. I had 4 - $1/2 q's, so I paid $.50/pack. I also invested in a green tag for my bag so I can start making money off of using my reusable shopping bags. So my total came to $5.07.
OOP: $5.07
Total without sale: $15.31
Saved: $10.24
ECB: $0
Sam's was on my hit list, but the savings there aren't the same. But I got items that I never see on sale and/or never see coupons for and/or are still cheaper at Sam's against even the best sales prices I've seen. So I spent $41.49 there. (Items not pictured)
OOP: $41.49
Then we paused to feed and change the baby and have lunch with Daddy. Then we hopped over to Winn-Dixie. My main objective there was the Ritz Crackerfuls (which Southern Savers had had me hopeful of getting for free at Walgreens, but they weren't included in the sale). I got a box of these for $1.50 a few weeks ago, and LOVED them! So I ordered coupons online and collected a few more from swaps, and got some crackers! I'll have to hit another Winn-Dixie tomorrow, because the one I went to was out of the flavor I like. I picked these up for $1/box! I also went for cream cheese, since I could live off of the stuff, and they had it 10/$10. I also wanted to take advantage of the B2G1 M&M coupon from yesterday's paper along with their BOGO sale, but they were out of peanut M&M's. So I'll try another WD tomorrow, or get a rain check. I picked up 2 Sara Lee pound cakes with some q's to go along with the lasagna and garlic bread that I got for dirt cheap last week. (Now all I need is a salad and I'll have a meal for $10 people for under $10!) So, as of the moment:
OOP: $13.73
Total without sale: $42.55
Saved: $28.82
And last, but not least, Publix. May I once again say how much I LOVE the service at Publix! When I was at WD, I had both girls with me and was having trouble getting my cart maneuvered and things out of my cart because I had the carrier in the cart, and there were three workers standing there watching me struggle, and not one offered any assistance. I know from multiple experiences at Publix that each of the three people would have not only offered, but would have done something to help if I'd been in that store. However, I did not like the Publix I was in today. Not because of the service, but because of the set-up. After Winn-Dixie, we picked my sister up and took her to the doctor. While she was there, we shopped at the Publix across the street. I have to say that that store has the most retarded setup I've ever seen in a store! It was very frustrating! But I still made it through, a bit flustered, but still managed to find most of what I was looking for, and save money!
I was working on getting the ConAgra rebate for the $10gc to Publix. So I got a few "new" things for us to try, and then got some ketchup to stash (since my 2-year-old thinks everything must be eaten with ketchup!). I won't bore you with all the details. But I will share some highlights. I used my $10RR from Walgreens, a $5/10 items ConAgra q, a $1.50/4 items ConAgra q, and tons of other coupons. I have a picture showing my great deals with more details there!
OOP: $44.48
Total without sale: $147.06
Saved: $102.58
Here's my overall picture of my shopping trip:
And my great buys!
I got both boxes of Juicy Juice for $.80. The Ritz Crackerfuls, as I mentioned, were $1. The vitamins and contact solution are technically free. (I technically got paid $1 for each bottle of vitamins.) The juice I got for $.50/ea. (This means $.50 for 40oz of juice!) The Austin crackers for $.50/ea, and the baby food (the pouches) for free. So for everything in this picture I paid $18.80.
So, totals today:
OOP: $118.74
Saved: $178.00
My first stop was Walgreens where I did three transactions. I took advantage of each of their "free" items listed on the front page of their ad. So I came out with 2 bottles of vitamins (had a q, so paid $9 and got back $10RR for each), 1 box Crayola markers, 3 one-subject notebooks, 3 packs of index cards (still go through them almost as quickly as we did in college!), 1 bottle of contact solution, and a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. I paid oop (out-of-pocket) $13.97 and walked out with $10RR.
OOP: $13.97
Total without sale: $50.33
Saved: $36.36
RR: $10
I then stopped at CVS to get the Austin crackers that were on sale 10/$10. I had 4 - $1/2 q's, so I paid $.50/pack. I also invested in a green tag for my bag so I can start making money off of using my reusable shopping bags. So my total came to $5.07.
OOP: $5.07
Total without sale: $15.31
Saved: $10.24
ECB: $0
Sam's was on my hit list, but the savings there aren't the same. But I got items that I never see on sale and/or never see coupons for and/or are still cheaper at Sam's against even the best sales prices I've seen. So I spent $41.49 there. (Items not pictured)
OOP: $41.49
Then we paused to feed and change the baby and have lunch with Daddy. Then we hopped over to Winn-Dixie. My main objective there was the Ritz Crackerfuls (which Southern Savers had had me hopeful of getting for free at Walgreens, but they weren't included in the sale). I got a box of these for $1.50 a few weeks ago, and LOVED them! So I ordered coupons online and collected a few more from swaps, and got some crackers! I'll have to hit another Winn-Dixie tomorrow, because the one I went to was out of the flavor I like. I picked these up for $1/box! I also went for cream cheese, since I could live off of the stuff, and they had it 10/$10. I also wanted to take advantage of the B2G1 M&M coupon from yesterday's paper along with their BOGO sale, but they were out of peanut M&M's. So I'll try another WD tomorrow, or get a rain check. I picked up 2 Sara Lee pound cakes with some q's to go along with the lasagna and garlic bread that I got for dirt cheap last week. (Now all I need is a salad and I'll have a meal for $10 people for under $10!) So, as of the moment:
OOP: $13.73
Total without sale: $42.55
Saved: $28.82
And last, but not least, Publix. May I once again say how much I LOVE the service at Publix! When I was at WD, I had both girls with me and was having trouble getting my cart maneuvered and things out of my cart because I had the carrier in the cart, and there were three workers standing there watching me struggle, and not one offered any assistance. I know from multiple experiences at Publix that each of the three people would have not only offered, but would have done something to help if I'd been in that store. However, I did not like the Publix I was in today. Not because of the service, but because of the set-up. After Winn-Dixie, we picked my sister up and took her to the doctor. While she was there, we shopped at the Publix across the street. I have to say that that store has the most retarded setup I've ever seen in a store! It was very frustrating! But I still made it through, a bit flustered, but still managed to find most of what I was looking for, and save money!
I was working on getting the ConAgra rebate for the $10gc to Publix. So I got a few "new" things for us to try, and then got some ketchup to stash (since my 2-year-old thinks everything must be eaten with ketchup!). I won't bore you with all the details. But I will share some highlights. I used my $10RR from Walgreens, a $5/10 items ConAgra q, a $1.50/4 items ConAgra q, and tons of other coupons. I have a picture showing my great deals with more details there!
OOP: $44.48
Total without sale: $147.06
Saved: $102.58
Here's my overall picture of my shopping trip:
And my great buys!
I got both boxes of Juicy Juice for $.80. The Ritz Crackerfuls, as I mentioned, were $1. The vitamins and contact solution are technically free. (I technically got paid $1 for each bottle of vitamins.) The juice I got for $.50/ea. (This means $.50 for 40oz of juice!) The Austin crackers for $.50/ea, and the baby food (the pouches) for free. So for everything in this picture I paid $18.80.So, totals today:
OOP: $118.74
Saved: $178.00
Friday, July 30, 2010
Unburdening
I just need to unburden some weight from my shoulders. I don't want to do it via my Facebook status, because although other people read my blog, I don't feel as if I'm letting the whole world know on here like I do on Facebook.
For the last week I have been drying my clothes outside, and while this is a nice eco-friendly thing to do, the real reason I'm doing it is to try to save some money somewhere. By two weeks into the month we were out of money. We had gas money left, but that ran out a little over a week ago, and so I have been home-bound since Sunday. I don't understand what goes wrong every month. We seem to keep cutting back on expenses and somehow keep having less and less money. We did have some medical expenses pop up this month, and since we can't keep our heads above water for normal expenses, we definitely don't have the saving account that we should have. I've reverted to doing dishes by hand as well, instead of using the dishwasher. I hate doing dishes. But, oh well. I'd love to get to the point where I'm stockpiling groceries and necessities so that we're not spending so much on groceries each month, but I can't even get us enough food to last us a month, let alone stockpile. Sometimes I struggle with being annoyed that my husband gets fed good food for lunch at work--all you can eat--while I may completely skip breakfast and lunch because there is nothing to eat or because if I eat something it means I won't have enough to feed my daughter for the rest of the week. How did we do this to ourselves? Thankfully, we are now credit-card free so we can't dig a bigger hole. But it was nice having that cushion when we got ourselves in sticky situations like this. But because we took advantage of that cushion too often (and because doctors charge WAY more than they need to) we are stuck in this deep abyss, and it seems we will never get out. I was discouraged yesterday when I read a magazine article about a couple who did what we've done and took the step to get rid of debt entanglements, and it took them thirteen years to get out of debt! Why did I so naively think that by cutting up the cards the debt was going to start going away? If only that were so. But to think that we could be stuck in this situation for the next thirteen years while we try to dig ourselves back out was almost depressing.
While the financial issues have been a burden, in a small way they have been a blessing. They have forced me to do tasks which help me feel more domesticated--like hang drying laundry. Silly, I know, but tis true.
For the last week I have been drying my clothes outside, and while this is a nice eco-friendly thing to do, the real reason I'm doing it is to try to save some money somewhere. By two weeks into the month we were out of money. We had gas money left, but that ran out a little over a week ago, and so I have been home-bound since Sunday. I don't understand what goes wrong every month. We seem to keep cutting back on expenses and somehow keep having less and less money. We did have some medical expenses pop up this month, and since we can't keep our heads above water for normal expenses, we definitely don't have the saving account that we should have. I've reverted to doing dishes by hand as well, instead of using the dishwasher. I hate doing dishes. But, oh well. I'd love to get to the point where I'm stockpiling groceries and necessities so that we're not spending so much on groceries each month, but I can't even get us enough food to last us a month, let alone stockpile. Sometimes I struggle with being annoyed that my husband gets fed good food for lunch at work--all you can eat--while I may completely skip breakfast and lunch because there is nothing to eat or because if I eat something it means I won't have enough to feed my daughter for the rest of the week. How did we do this to ourselves? Thankfully, we are now credit-card free so we can't dig a bigger hole. But it was nice having that cushion when we got ourselves in sticky situations like this. But because we took advantage of that cushion too often (and because doctors charge WAY more than they need to) we are stuck in this deep abyss, and it seems we will never get out. I was discouraged yesterday when I read a magazine article about a couple who did what we've done and took the step to get rid of debt entanglements, and it took them thirteen years to get out of debt! Why did I so naively think that by cutting up the cards the debt was going to start going away? If only that were so. But to think that we could be stuck in this situation for the next thirteen years while we try to dig ourselves back out was almost depressing.
While the financial issues have been a burden, in a small way they have been a blessing. They have forced me to do tasks which help me feel more domesticated--like hang drying laundry. Silly, I know, but tis true.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Market Monday
Well, this past week we were scrounging for pennies, but I had another ironing job come in, so was able to make a little bit of money. Enough to pick up some essentials! Here's what I picked up over the weekend and this morning.
My new best shopping trip! This is the first time I got paid to shop! I made $2.50! I had ordered $0.75/1 Target Q's online, and a few more of the toothpaste MQ's to go with the ones I already had. So, six thing of toothpast at $1.00/ea, and I had $8.50 in coupons!
The deodorant was a necessity for me and a preference for my husband. I had $1/1 coupons, and a $10 Target gift card that we got for getting a new prescription there a few weeks ago when DH was sick. So I guess technically, we didn't pay for this deodorant. But it totaled $5.70 for five sticks. Not bad.
So, what can you get for $5? Today I had to go get bread because we missed the bread store before it closed the other day. Due to my daughter's allergies, Nature's Own Whitewheat is the primary brand we buy. I pick that up for $.99 at the bread store, and today I got Nature's Own bagels for $.50/ea. One pack was the bagel thins that I've been wanting to try for sandwiches. Then I swung over to Publix to get my free Chef Boyardee (that I definitely will not eat, but it was free, so I figured I cold give it to someone.) I've also been out of bodywash for a few days, and was able to pick up two for $2 today.
...Okay, so I just double checked my receipt, and I ended up paying $.56 for the Chef Boyardee, and $1.50 for the soap. Oh, well, it will make a cheap thing for a college student or for a food drive.
We also picked up this weekend 4 Oral-B toothbrushes for DH (he didn't like the hi-tech one I got for free a few weeks ago) for $2 and 2 Tombstone pizzas (that didn't last long enough for a picture!) for $1.97. A poor substitute for the Domino's pizza I've been craving, but much cheaper!
My new best shopping trip! This is the first time I got paid to shop! I made $2.50! I had ordered $0.75/1 Target Q's online, and a few more of the toothpaste MQ's to go with the ones I already had. So, six thing of toothpast at $1.00/ea, and I had $8.50 in coupons!
The deodorant was a necessity for me and a preference for my husband. I had $1/1 coupons, and a $10 Target gift card that we got for getting a new prescription there a few weeks ago when DH was sick. So I guess technically, we didn't pay for this deodorant. But it totaled $5.70 for five sticks. Not bad.
So, what can you get for $5? Today I had to go get bread because we missed the bread store before it closed the other day. Due to my daughter's allergies, Nature's Own Whitewheat is the primary brand we buy. I pick that up for $.99 at the bread store, and today I got Nature's Own bagels for $.50/ea. One pack was the bagel thins that I've been wanting to try for sandwiches. Then I swung over to Publix to get my free Chef Boyardee (that I definitely will not eat, but it was free, so I figured I cold give it to someone.) I've also been out of bodywash for a few days, and was able to pick up two for $2 today.
...Okay, so I just double checked my receipt, and I ended up paying $.56 for the Chef Boyardee, and $1.50 for the soap. Oh, well, it will make a cheap thing for a college student or for a food drive.We also picked up this weekend 4 Oral-B toothbrushes for DH (he didn't like the hi-tech one I got for free a few weeks ago) for $2 and 2 Tombstone pizzas (that didn't last long enough for a picture!) for $1.97. A poor substitute for the Domino's pizza I've been craving, but much cheaper!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Taking a Break
Well, last night was the first time in six weeks that I didn't have the dragon of packets to grade breathing down my neck! (I grade Advanced Math packets for a correspondance school.) In an effort to pay for vacation I've been working super hard to grade as many packets as possible in the last month. Well, yesterday was the pay cutoff, and boy am I glad. Our whole family has suffered as a result of me working so hard. I've had to stay up late most nights to get the packets done, as it's a lot easier than trying to do it with two girls wanting to sit in my lap! Froggy still wakes up about twice a night, and in the middle of the month, everyone but me got sick, so everyone had poor sleep. I've been crabby with the girls and DH, and poor Monkey has probably suffered the worst. Correction has not been consistent as I've either been too tired to deal with her or so crabby that I knew I wasn't in the right attitude to correct her. So, now we have a monster. But hopefully that will be curbed in the next few weeks. Now that this weight has been removed from my shoulders, I can concentrate on getting my house and home back in order, bring my daughter back into subjection, and get packed for vacation (where everything will blow out of the water again!).
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