My Breastfeeding Journey

I keep promising myself I'll do a better job keeping up with this blog, but then I get carried away with life, and before I realize it weeks or even months have passed.

About this time four years ago I was quickly approaching my due date with my first child. I had researched and studied, and was eagerly anticipating a completely unmedicated, natural birth. And I had resigned myself to breastfeeding. Resigned? Yes, resigned. I knew that breastfeeding was the best thing for my child, and I was all about doing what was natural and best for my baby. God had desinged our bodies for child birth and for nurturing them afterwards. Not to mention there was no way on earth we could possibly afford formula. But these were my reasons for breastfeeding. In my mind breastfeeding seemed gross to me. The thought of exposing myself--even if it were just around myself--and then putting a mouth up to my breast and having that baby sucking off of me just seemed...perverted, somehow in my mind.

However, the moment my daughter was born, before the cord had even been clamped, I asked, "When can I nurse her?" In that moment of childbirth, during that beautiful transition into the real world of motherhood, all of my prior notions and discomforts vanished. My God-given maternal instinct took over and my greatest desire was to nurture my baby.

From the moment of her first latch--and that beautiful bond formed between mother and baby--I have been a major advocate of breastfeeding. I look back on my earlier thoughts and laugh at myself. I nursed that babe until she weened herself just after 18 months. Six weeks later her baby sister was born, and I nursed her for nearly two years until she weaned herself shortly before her baby brother. Now my youngest girl still asks to nurse, and though I would love to tandem nurse her, and had planned to, I just don't have the energy to. I have allowed her to nurse a few times, and it was a sweet time for us. Telling her no has brought me to tears, but trying to nurse two was very draining. But we'd have to double our grocery budget for me to eat enough to keep up with nursing two!

I love breastfeeding! I love the sweet moments of being one-on-one with my baby. I love the bond that is formed as a result of that time. I love the continuation of the nurturing that I provided for that sweet babe in the womb. I love knowing that I am helping my baby develop a healthy and strong immune system. I enjoy hearing comments like, "What are feeding that baby?" And I take pride in knowing that my baby is healthy and growing well as a result of my decision to breastfeed.

Now I want to pursue, along with a doula certification, becoming a lactation consultant and volunteering time to help other women understand the benefits of breastfeeding and to help them be successful. A far cry from resigning myself to the task!

A New Pet In My Pocket - Michael's Birth Story

God has once again blessed our family with a new little pet in my pocket. I think every birth story is beautiful and full of excitement, and of course ours would be no different. But this time God threw in a few extra bits of excitement to remind us to count our blessings.

I had been having contractions for weeks, but had been assured that because this was my third kid this was normal (by the way, someone needs to write a pregnancy book for women on their third+ kid, because everything that's normal signs of concern with your first two pregnancies are considered normal happenings after the first two). I also learned with my second child that my body does not feel contractions the same way they are described in books or by most care providers. While being monitored, my contractions may be reading off the charts, and I'm not even really aware of them, or they feel so insignificant that I ignore them.

On Sunday, December 11, around 3pm I noticed that the contractions I was having seemed to be a bit more consistent. So I tried to focus on them so that my husband could time them--this was a first for us. (We'd never had the opportunity or need to time contractions with our first two.) They started out at seven minutes apart, and 1 1/2 later when we were ready to leave for church they were 3 1/2 minutes apart. So we decided to skip church and go to the hospital in stead. As soon as we got in the car, they slowed back down to 7 minutes. We still went to the hospital and spent a few hours being monitored. My midwife checked me, and I hadn't progressed from when I'd been checked two weeks prior, so I decided to just go home and wait it out. By the time we went to bed, I was actually feeling pains that I could associate with labor, but they stopped just after midnight.

Monday was a long day as both my husband and I had anticipated being back to the hospital to have a baby by mid-morning at the latest. But as it was, my contractions didn't even start again til mid-morning, and there was no consistency to them. By the time my husband got home from work they had regained a consistent pattern, and if I had to rate them on a pain scale, I would have given them a one. So, I put together my shopping list and we headed to Publix. I can't say I was completely comfortable throughout our shopping trip, and I knew I was technically in labor, but I wasn't miserable either. We got home close to 9, settled the girls into bed, and around 10 when we headed to bed I told my husband that I might be pushing a three on the pain scale.

At 12:40 Tuesday morning I woke for my routine potty break and realized that I was still having contractions. I climbed back into bed and watched the clock, then I realized they were starting to hurt. I laid there and debated whether or not I should get up or just see if I could ride it out til morning. I also prayed that God would let me know when it was time to go to the hospital, but planned to wait til my water broke. At 1:00 I noticed an intense difference in the contractions--and that they were only two minutes apart! I woke my husband and told him I was in transition. He moves pretty quick in the middle of the night! We called our neighbor to come sit on the couch and headed to the hospital. I called the hospital as we pulled out of our drive and told them we were on the way--my phone said 1:31 a.m. I remember glancing at the clock at some point on the way to the hospital, and it said 1:44. I don't know what time we arrived, but we walked up to labor and delivery. For the most part I was still walking and talking through contractions, and only had to pause three times to wait them out.

They had a room open for me and I walked straight in, grabbed the cup, and went to sit on the potty. As I went potty, my wonderful husband got the room readied my way. Not a single hospital light was on. Just my lamps. And he got me in the skirt I had had made myself for labor/recovery. Just as I finished leaving my sample in the cup, my water broke. With the next contraction I hit that moment that every woman in natural labor hits, and I told my husband, "I don't want to do this." I walked out of the bathroom and into the room, asked for the birth ball, and didn't make it any further. I hit my hands an knees, eagerly waiting for the birth ball to rest my upper body on. During this time a nurse was begging me to get into bed so she could check me, and I remember my husband telling her that wasn't necessary. She then asked if they could monitor me, and I told her no. I couldn't move. She wanted to get the baby's heartbeat, and I told her if she could get it without me moving, then go for. This is all happening in just a matter of moments. For the first time ever, I yelled in labor. It was more of a very loud moan, but either way, I was mentally berating myself because I knew that yelling wasn't going to help anything.

After what seemed like forever of a nurse trying to talk me into the bed, I realized I hadn't been saying any of what I was thinking out loud. Finally I managed to get out, "He's crowning, y'all." Well, that definitely changed the atmosphere. A very experienced nurse had already been summoned when the one nurse couldn't get me to cooperate. She came around the bed and said, "She's right, he is crowning." She then kept begging me to get up on the bed because she couldn't get to the baby. I didn't understand the problem. I had delivered my last child on my hands and knees and knew it could be done. I was mentally begging my midwife to walk through the door. (My husband told me later that I wasn't up on my hands and knees as I thought I was, but was actually resting my bottom on my heels, hence the reason she could not deliver me.) Suddenly the nurse called for the birth stool, it was there in a flash, and my husband lifted me off of the floor and sat me up on the birth stool. Another first happened for me then--everything stopped. Not for long, but for several moments there were no contractions, and time seemed to stand still. I'd never had that kind of break in my labors before. I'd heard of them, but never experienced it for myself. I remember questioning why everything stopped. Then the next contraction hit and at 2:04 a.m. my baby boy delivered!

During delivery, the nurse mentioned something about meconium, but I don't think he actually ingested any because he had no complications. His cord was also tight around his neck, and he wasn't breathing. Kudos to my husband who knew not to be alarmed because the cord was still attached, so he knew the baby would be fine. As soon as I started talking to the baby, he started turning his head. They clamped the cord when it stopped pulsating and took him to the heated crib. He then started crying. He was very bruised and swollen due to the very quick delivery. Due to the concern of meconium, it was a few minutes before I got to hold my baby. During that time I climbed into the bed. My midwife walked in a few minutes later, and I teased her about being late. She can be rather crabby at 2 in the morning. :)

I had studied and researched doing a hypnobirth and was really excited to implement some of what I had learned. I never had time to try to focus on relaxation. One thing however that I definitely knew I wanted to do this time was not push. I wanted to breathe my baby down. Well, I didn't actually concentrate on breathing my baby down, but neither did I push. My body did what God designed it to do, and naturally pushed my baby out.

So, thirty minutes after leaving my home that is twenty-plus minutes from the hospital, I delivered my son!Michael Joel ~ 9lb 6.7oz ~ 22in

I know this story may be a bit too wordy, but I've written it in bits and pieces as I've had time. There are probably facts I'm missing, but I think I have all of the important stuff that I want to remember. I doubt I'll ever forget most of the details.

Lucretia, the wonderful nurse who delivered Michael.
She wasn't too fond of having her picture taken.
She's been a L&D nurse for 31 years!

Memorial Days

Throughout the year we have several days that are set aside to honor and remember those who have sacrificed for our country's freedom and for the safety of our country--Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, etc. Yet it occurred to me over the course of this weekend that September 11 seems more like a memorial day to me than any of those other holidays. And then I realized that it's because, for me, it is actually a day with memories.

I whole heartedly express my patriotism and appreciation for our military, both past and present, on our other specified holidays. But often times those days hold very little meaning to me other than the fact that I take time to be thankful.

However, September 11 has a different affect on my emotions and the reasons I am thankful. Every year, on September 11, people will ask, "Do you remember where you were?" And I think to myself, how can I not remember? How could anyone forget where they were and what they were doing at the time that they heard such tragic news? And then of course the aftermath--not just in the days that followed, but in the weeks, and now in the years. I have memories from this day, and so this special day, though not an official holiday of memorials, is still more of a memorial day to me than Memorial Day is. But that's exactly what memorial means--it's something that reminds us of a person or an event.

Through this realization came another sobering thought. All of those other holidays that are purposed as days to remember our soldiers hold the same meaning for others around me. There are numerous people for whom the date December 7 holds the same sacredness as September 11 does for those in my generation. I've seen footage from the attacks on Pearl Harbor, and it does affect my emotions, but there's something different when you have actual memories of such a day. There are many who could tell us where they were and what they were doing when they learned of the attacks on Pearl Harbor. For many of us, Pearl Harbor Day may be just something we see pre-printed on our calendars and we fleetingly think of the tragedy of that day, and go on with our lives without giving that day another thought. But when September 11 roles around we spend the days leading up to it and the day of reflecting on the memories, the footage, and the fatalities still occurring as a result that tragic day.

I wanted to remember these thoughts I had, and to remember that while to me December 7 is another day to remember a historic event for our country, to others it is a day with memories and emotions attached. And while none of us have memories of that great day of our independence, I hope I can remember to better appreciate the full meaning of that day and to realize that it was a real day with real meaning, memories, and emotions for people gone before us.

May we never forget. A phrase almost to flippantly used, but full of so much truth and meaning if we really stop to think about it and pause to remember.

Count Your Blessings - Winter Clothing

Locally we have an area wide consignment sale that is HUGE. I did a post on this sale several months ago. We're now looking forward to the second sale for this year. As I mentioned before, our family survives off of this sale. This sale is how the Lord has provided the clothing needs of our family as well as the toys and other accessories that we've needed.

Well, this season, we really can't even afford to benefit from this sale. With baby number three on the way and still not even half-way paid for, we don't have the extra funds to put into making purchases at this sale, even if they are necessities.

We've been struggling not to be discouraged about our financial situation, and have been trying to focus on keeping our faith and trust in God to provide for us as He has promised. We chose to trust Him for our children and when we would have them. Now we are reminding ourselves that God has chosen to add this new little blessing to our home, and when and how He sees fit, He will provide for our financial needs with this baby. We fail to not focus on, "I don't know where we're going to get that money from."

One huge blessing God has poured into our lives in the last twenty-four hours as a reminder of His faithfulness to care for us is regarding our concern about how we would have things to get the girls through the winter if we couldn't afford to spend money at the local consignment sale. I grew up on hand-me-downs, but it doesn't seem that people within our circle do hand-me-downs. We've never received any for our kids. But as I said, God has provided in other ways, and we've been fine.

Yesterday I pulled out what I thought was the only bin of winter clothes from the girls for last year and went through to inventory what we had and to see what we would need for this coming winter. The girls enjoyed playing dress up as we tried things on to see what fit and what didn't. Thankfully my three-year-old hasn't grown much since last winter, and everything was really baggy on her last winter. Some of the clothes are still baggy on her at this point, and I'm prayerful that they will get us through the short period of cold weather that we enjoy here. Sadly, there was almost nothing for my eighteen-month-old. She had been such a chunky baby last winter that I tagged and attempted to sell most of the things that would now fit her for this winter, because I thought she would be long past that size by the time this winter rolled around. Well, as it is, she really hasn't grown as much as I'd anticipated.

Discouraged, I inventoried what I had for her. My husband and I discussed last night what I would absolutely need for that one and the new baby (which at that point, I hadn't pulled out the bucket of newborn clothes), and we determined that even spending bare minimum, we'd be stretching the funds too far. I half-heartedly prayed about it while talking with my husband about the special prayer time I had had just the day before about trusting God to care for our needs as He has promised.

This morning I went out to the garage to get the bin of newborn clothes and found another bin labeled "Winter 2010." (I know, it's not size specific--that was becoming too much of a headache for me. I just started sorting by season.) So I dragged that box in the house along with the newborn bin. I went through that winter box first and found quite a bit to fit my eighteen-month-old. Enough to meet what would be the bare minimum for necessity. Then I sorted through the newborn stash and made inventory of what I had for a winter baby from birth to six months. Even though this is my second winter baby, there still wasn't much. I really didn't have much for my second child--about 5 sleepers and a ton of onesies. I finished my inventory, set that box aside, and looked at the very small stack of items that I had set aside during this process to sell at the upcoming sale.

I then went to the garage one more time to grab the bin labeled "M2M - winter." The box of stuff to be sold at the sale. It was full of items that didn't sell last winter, and I was simply going to add my small stash of items I collected today to the bin of clothes. I dragged the bin into the house to make room for the handful of items. When I opened the lid I almost squealed in delight!

Until that moment I had forgotten how disappointed I'd been last winter sale when most of my items didn't sell. I was confused because it was decent stuff that I thought would sell for sure. But the sale was REALLY big that season, and it was hard to sort through the items because the racks were so overstuffed. So it was easy for items not to sell. Inside that bin was more than I need for my children for this winter! Including the new baby.

Well, praise the Lord, those items didn't sell. God knew that this winter we would need those clothes. He knew that we would have a new baby on the way and would need the newborn items I had tried to sell last year as an attempt to have money to spend at the sale last year. He knew that because of the new baby on the way we wouldn't be able to afford to buy anything at this current sale. He was providing for the needs of this year a year ago when He allowed my items not to sell!

Now all we really need for this winter are dresses, since my oldest only had one last year, and that's getting a little short, and shoes. And even in the shoes area, we may not need those. It just depends on how these little feet grow! There are a few other needs for the new baby, but very few. Most are just desires. :)

So now what was going to cost us too much, will now cost us very little, if anything at all. What a mighty God we serve!

Beautiful Babyhood

After the birth of my second child, I suffered greatly from post-partum depression (PPD). At the time I didn't realize that that was my problem. I was exhausted! I had an extremely active 20 month old and an extremely fussy newborn, and I was on my own two days after coming home from the hospital. I hated my life, I went through moments of wishing I didn't have my kids, I was convinced my husband hated me, and I felt that God didn't care too much for me either.

When my newborn was six weeks old I got a Moby wrap--that became a lifesaver! I could carry the crying infant any time she needed and still get things done around the home. Most importantly I felt like I could be a mommy to both of my kids at the same time, rather than just one at a time.

Well, that fussy infant reached a point somewhere near six months or so where she wasn't so fussy anymore. She became the sweetest, most pleasant baby anyone could imagine. She has been a great source of joy and entertainment in our home over the last year.

She has also been my baby. She doesn't seem as grown-up to me as her sister did at this age. She just seems like a baby still. Though she definitely has her moments of independence, she is very much a cuddler and loves to be near one of her parents. She says words, but she's not really what I would consider talking. She's not really potty training yet. Beyond those little milestones she still just seems like a little baby and not the big girl that she is quickly becoming.

Over the last few weeks I have felt like I have re-entered that post-partum depression (or perhaps a pre-partum depression?). A few weeks ago my little baby weaned herself from nursing. To some degree there was a bit of relief in this since, being four months pregnant, breastfeeding really wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world. But she had been much more of a comfort nurser than her sister had been. My oldest needed to be encouraged to nurse--she was always too much of a busy body to take time to stop and eat. But my second cares more about food than she does about anything else in life. If she was hungry, she wanted to nurse. If she was tired, she wanted to nurse. If she was hurt, she wanted to nurse. I knew my milk had changed back to colostrum, and eventually she went from nursing a few times a day and through the night, to nothing. I seriously went through a stage of mourning. This beautiful time of connecting with my child had come to an end. She suddenly became much more independent of me, and started to become as much of a Daddy's girl as her big sister.

Also in the last weeks she has gotten much better at doing things for herself. She can climb into her highchair, get herself into her car seat, and once the straps are over her shoulders, she can buckle herself in. She can undress herself, though she is not quite so good at the redressing part. :) She loves to wash her hands and brush her teeth. She enjoys independent play, and in the last few weeks she and her sister have gotten much better at playing together for LONG periods of time. These are tasks that I know I will great appreciate once the new baby comes, but did she have to do all of her growing up so fast?

To top it all off, last week she decided she didn't want to sleep in the crib anymore. For the last several days she has been sleeping in a toddler bed. I know it's really the same size as her crib, but somehow she just looks so small in that bed, but at the same time seems like such a big girl. She's been amazing about staying in the bed. We haven't had a single instance (yet) of her getting out of the bed. (Her sister had been much more difficult!)

I know I can mostly blame pregnancy hormones, but having my little baby be so grown up just makes me want to tear up and sniff a little bit. On some days it makes me want to just cry into a pillow. And any time she crawls up into my lap, I just hold on tight, knowing that these precious baby days will quickly pass, just as they did with her sister. Yes, there will soon be another precious bundle to hold, but I don't want to miss out on a moment with the sweet baby that I have right now.

Do You Want to Be My Friend?

I our latest batch of books from the library we have one book by Eric Carle (LOVE his books!) called Do You Want To Be My Friend? It's an sweet story of a little mouse who goes from animal to animal trying to find someone, anyone who would be his friend. He first sees the tale of the animal and asks to be his friend, and the when the mouse sees the head of the animal he realizes that animal wouldn't make a great friend. He eventually finds another mouse at the end of the story with whom he can be friends.

I often times feel like that little mouse. I feel so lost and lonely sometimes, and if I'm not careful, Satan can really use my lack of friendship as a means of discouragement. I think I've mentioned before that I've never been good at making friends, and looking back of my years of growing up and going through college, I think I really only ever had three people, aside from my husband, who could actually truly fit the definition of a friend. Now I face a reality that the people who could most closely fall under the definition of a friend are people I've gotten to know through Facebook. But for some reason, I'm just not good at real, face-to-face friendships.

And I can't honestly figure out why.

I'm a blunt person. If someone asks my opinion on something, I may try to be tactful in my answer, but I'm not going to sugar coat my answer or be apologetic for my opinion. Maybe that's a problem? I can be pretty opinionated. But I try to just spout my opinion (outside of my blog) without being asked.

I can be perhaps too open about personal things sometimes. Perhaps as a result of never having a set friend to share things with, if I find someone who I think may be a friend or friendly, I have a tendency of taking advantage of the opportunity to talk to someone. Maybe that's my problem? I really should learn to be a more quiet and stand-offish person.

I've always been gullible, and being a follower is always what kept me in trouble as I was growing up. The only friends I had then were ones who could (and would) use me. Well, I'm not of much use to anyone now. So maybe that's my problem? No one can use me so they don't want to be my friend.

I think I may come across as too abrupt. I like to serve and take care of people. But often times I think I may just come across as pushy in my attempt to help people realize I'm not just throwing out false offers of help knowing they won't accept. When I offer assistance I'm being serious and genuine. Maybe that's a problem. I shouldn't be pushy in trying to help people. I should just offer once and let it alone.

In the last few months I've manage to alienate at least three people, and I'm thinking perhaps a fourth. The three weren't really friends, but acquaintances in good standing, I guess you could say. In two of the three cases I was asked why I take a certain stand on a certain subject. In each case the person disagreed with my answer. One totally blocked me from anything on Facebook and has attempted to be cordial in public but I'm not fooled. The other never responded and has still remained a nice acquaintance, but I was very hurt and upset one day when we were in a place with our kids and I watched my daughter try speaking to her, and the adult ignored her. The third would be a result of poor communication on my part and an unintentional insult. And the fourth? I really don't know what I've done wrong, but I did it. And that one hurts the most because that one wasn't an acquaintance. I really thought I'd found a friend.

Recently my husband encouraged me to go to a ladies' night out which was suppose to be a craft/fellowship night with some ladies at church. I really didn't want to go. But he thought it would be nice for me to have the opportunity to get out, do some crafting that I never have the opportunity to do, and fellowship with adults, which I rarely get to do. Fellowshiping with adults makes me nervous. Anyway. My sweet husband took me to JoAnn's and let me get supplies to work on craft I wanted to do all in preparation for that evening. When I arrived, I sat in the parking lot for at least twenty minutes trying to pep-talk myself into going inside. Once I walked in, I knew I'd made a mistake. I felt like Daniel walking into the lion's den, only I wasn't so confident in the lion's mouths being closed. The event was "hosted" by the one who had completely blocked me from her social network. Talk about awkward. She was standing there greeting everyone as they come in and trying to figure out how to politely skip over me--which she did. I sat at a table by myself and was barely spoken to. I tried to join a conversation at a nearby table, but one lady purposely kept her back to me and another turned her back toward me during the conversation. So I stayed out. I did get to speak with two ladies whom I hadn't met before, and I did enjoy the little bit of conversation I had with each of them. But part of me just knows better than to get my hope up of having some type of friendship with any of the ladies. As soon as I politely could (around people getting up and speaking during the evening) I packed up my bag and brought myself home to pout on the couch and cry to my husband.

I know I need to learn and fully accept that God truly is the only friend I really need. And I need to be content in the companionship of my husband. I'm am thankful for my God and for my husband. I will continue to strive to be content without a female friend.

I really think I can live without girlfriends, but having SO many enemies really bothers me. I know that it's not pleasing to the Lord for me to be at odds with so many people, but I really don't know what to do about it.

"Boys will be boys." --Really?

I understand there is some truth to the phrase, "Boys will be boys." But I'm getting quite annoyed with the fact that often times mothers of boys seem to use this as some sort of excuse for bad behavior. I have only girls so far, so these words may come back to haunt me one day. But I really believe that it is possible to allow boys to be boys without allowing them to be rude and discourteous to others. My mother raised three girls, and thirteen years after the youngest girl was born my mother was very surprised to discover she was expecting again. This time a boy! My brother is now nearing eight years old, and is definitely a different challenge to my mother that we were as girls. I'm not arguing that there's something uniquely different about the way God designed boys and girls. My mother (as well as many other mothers of boys) has told me many times that you can't keep boys from playing with guns. They're just born with guns on their fingers. I can understand this. God made boys (men) to be protectors, and when a fight is necessary, men are who God designed to go to war. I haven't had the opportunity to be around my brother too much because of the great age difference between us (twenty years!). But I have been around him on a playground or when he's playing with friends, and while he thoroughly enjoys playing rough and playing war-like games with his playmates, I haven't witnessed him being rude to other kids on the playground. He is a very tender-hearted boy, so perhaps one could attribute his politeness to his personality, but I would like to credit it to the training of my mother. My daughter has almost decided she doesn't like play dates anymore because the boys are so rough. I have told her that boys are rough, and God made girls to be gentle and sweet. But when boys are shoving past girls and throwing them out of their way and stepping on them or over them in their attempt to keep up with their battle, that is no longer behavior that can be passed off with a simple, "Well, boys will be boys." No, that is simply rude and inconsiderate behavior. And when another child is asking those rough-housing boys to please leave them alone or to stop, those boys should be trained to be considerate enough to leave that playmate out of their rambunctious behavior. Today I watched one of those boys wrap his arm around my daughter's neck and get ready to body slam her to the ground, and I was greatly angered. A child should never be permitted to wrap his arms around another person neck and body slam them unless he is doing so under the supervision of a trainer in a martial arts program. And to a girl? What happened to training boys to be gentlemen?

As I said, I may one day end up eating my words. But I spoke of this with my husband, and he agrees that while boys will be boys, and boys will do boyish things, they can still be taught to respect others, to be polite, to be considerate, to be courteous, and to be mindful of the feelings of others around them. Boys should be gentleman in training. I'm in no way saying rob a young boy of his childhood and put him through rigorous manner courses. I am a firm believer of allowing children to be children and not forcing them to act like adults when they aren't adults. However, since every moment with a child is a moment of some type of training, there are ways to teach and encourage respectful behavior in young children without forcing or expecting them to be as adults. My 18-month-old is old enough to understand that she is not to hit or kick or bit or push another person. So I definitely believe that a two or three-year-old boy can understand that you treat girls differently than you treat boys. They can understand that boys, if permitted to hit other boys, do not hit girls (or push, or any of the other aforementioned actions). I hope that when I have a boy I can raise him to be a gentleman to young ladies, to be courteous to other kids in a play area, and to be respectful to the adults around him--and all of this without "robbing him of his man-hood" or "turning him into a sissy." I want my boy to be a boy, but not at the expense of others feelings and his own reputation and testimony.

Out of the Loop

So I have majorly been out of the loop with blogging. I've been majorly out of the loop with a lot of things in the last few months, and while I've been trying to pull the rest of the scattered pieces together, blogging got set on a back shelf. It also doesn't help that I think of plenty of things to blog about while away from the computer, but when I get a chance to sit down and perhaps blog, I can't remember what I thought so important earlier in the day.

I stopped blogging, I think somewhere mid-April, due to a severe case of morning sickness. Why is it called morning sickness? I've had four pregnancies, I can definitely attest that there is nothing restricting such unpleasantness to just the morning. Of my four pregnancies, this time was much worse. I seriously spent about 6 weeks flat out on the couch. I wasn't good for much of anything but sleeping and puking (if I could add eating a pooping in there, I'd sound like a newborn!). My home and family were greatly neglected, and thus I could not justify any extra-curricular activities such as blogging.

Toward the middle of this six week period, my cousin died after a hard-fought battle with cancer. So I spent two days in the car with my girls driving to the funeral, two days there, and two days in the car coming back. Praise the Lord, I actually experienced relief from my sickness during that time. The sickness abated around 15 weeks, but it still seemed to take me a while to start getting my act back together. About five weeks after my cousin died, my grandfather died. But thankfully the Lord blessed by providing a plane ticket, and my youngest and I flew to the funeral and back.

So eventually, our home started returning to normal. I started cooking and cleaning again, I didn't spend my whole day in jammies, and my girls had there mother back. I could once again run errands and do grocery shopping. I eventually made myself get back into couponing. I love the savings, but honestly, I hate dealing with sales and coupons. It stresses me out greatly. This month I am determined to return to the couponing full force and start seeing the savings that we were seeing before I was ill. We became a little too free in our spending since April, so we're going to have to almost retrain ourselves, but we'll do it. (Especially since this is the only way that we can humanly see that we'll be able to pay for the baby.)

My other goal is to get back into blogging. I've missed it ever so much. I love to write, and I frequently find myself having thoughts in essay form. But unfortunately I probably won't be able to blog as frequently as I would like. But I will try to do better keeping up to some degree.

Being Stewards of the Body and the Bank

This one post from Heavenly Homemaker pretty much explains what I have been saying and thinking about saving money with coupons. I spent many months frustrating myself because I wasn't seeing the same amazing savings each month as so many of my couponing comrades around me. I was seeing some savings, but I wasn't coming out of stores with less than a $10 balance nearly every shopping trip. I spent hours, sometimes more hours than I would be working if I had a part-time job, trying to get my lists narrowed down so that I was paying as little out-of-pocket as possible.
One day I reached a break through, and I had a nice long stretch of paying very little money for lots of product. We got past the point of having no food in our house and no money with which to buy any more food. Eventually we had shelves stocked with food, and I would still stand back and say I had nothing to feed my family. My shelves were stocked with canned soups, bread crumbs, boxes and boxes of pasta, and numerous other items--the only of which that was getting used on a semi-consistent basis was the pasta. We don't eat canned soups, we rarely use bread crumbs, DH really doesn't like pasta, and many of the other items were things that just seemed useless, but I'd gotten them for free. I refuse to by processed foods for my family (Hamburger Helper type things, freezer dinners, pasta or rice mixes, etc.), and we don't do any unhealthy drinks (under which category I consider Crystal Light because of the artificial sweetener).
I was recently discussing with someone the reasons we seem to see so little savings in comparison to others around us. But it all comes down to what you are willing to eat and what you're willing to feed your family. Really, the only way to come out spending nothing on groceries is to feed your family a bunch of processed foods and beverages loaded with artificial sweetener, artificial coloring, and artificial flavoring. When you're trying to adhere to a special diet, for health reasons or by choice, couponing may not seem as beneficial to you. But be it great or small, I am still saving money.
I believe it is just as important to be good stewards of the bodies God gave us as we are of the money God gave us. We can scrounge for coupons and deals, buy out stock at a store, and hoard a year's supply of product in our homes, but what are we doing to the vessels God gave us to care for? I'm a firm believer that many of the illnesses that surround us today could have been prevented by healthier eating. I am by no means a health-freak. That wouldn't fit within our budget, not mention I don't think the picky eaters in this family could survive such a diet. One way I try to keep my family healthy is that I make nearly everything fresh and/or from scratch. By doing so I may be spending more money on a bag of whole-wheat flour and a block of cheese and some produce than I would on several boxes boxes of frozen pizza, but the flour will go a long way (can't say as much for the cheese--we like a lot on our pizza!), and there aren't any added preservatives in our meal. And with three dozen boxes of pasta on the shelf, why on earth do I need a few dozen boxes of hamburger helper when I could make the mix from scratch without the astronomical amounts of sodium? Fruit may be a bit pricey, but it's definitely much healthier than a package of congealed, fruit flavored, dinosaurs or Doras.
We hear all the time about the rise of Type 2 diabetes and heart disease, but the American people seem to push these warning to a back shelf as if they are invincible. My jaw hits the floor every time I pick up a box of prepackaged food just to look at the nutritional facts and I see the sodium content. Sodium in prepackaged foods (as well as what is sprinkled on to the food after it has been prepared!) is just as life threatening to our children as sugar. (Here is one report I read regarding sodium in American diets.)
But it's not just a matter of what we are feeding our families now. But consider what habits our children are learning and forming. True, we may be teaching them frugality. We may be teaching them to give to others from the surplus. But what about the eating habits our children are forming? If we start our children at such young ages with the habit of eating such unhealthy foods, what are we teaching our children about caring for our bodies, not just our bank accounts? They have very little hope of making it to their adult years without blood pressure issues--especially if there is already heart disease in their family. And before throwing out the excuse that no one in your family has heart disease or diabetes, realize that of the millions of Americans who now find themselves with one or both of those conditions, prior to diagnosis they could have said the same thing.
By no means am I saying don't be a crazy couponer, but I would like to challenge my couponing comrades to think a little bit about the items you're saving money on. You may be saving money now, but is it costing the life of yourself or someone in your family?

What Co-sleeping Isn't.

There is a billboard in our city with a picture of a female medical-examiner and the billboard states, "Don't let me be the last doctor to see your baby." The billboard goes on to point out the dangers of co-sleeping with your baby...never mind the dangers of trying to read their billboard while driving.

I think when people hear the term "co-sleeping" they conjure up an image of a queen-size bed with Daddy on one side, four kids in the middle, and Mommy on the other side. Or they picture a momma sleeping on her side in the bed with a precious newborn cradled in her arms up against her. While these do depict some forms of co-sleeping, this not necessarily what co-sleeping is.

I was at a SAHM playgroup today and was talking with some ladies. I knew to watch my step (and my mouth) because I'm on a very different parenting page than probably the majority of the ladies in the group. I'm a cloth-diapering, breastfeeding (demand feeding), non CIO (cry-it-out), co-sleeping, baby-wearing, attachment parenting, natural parenting, non-spanking momma, and let's just say that everyone I'm surrounded by is pretty much the opposite except for the breastfeeding, but most are not demand feeding. The topic of sleeping with baby was casually mentioned, and I could tell that everyone was in agreement that it was definitely wrong.

A momma mentioned that when her daughter was a newborn, grandma kept holding and rocking that sweet little baby, and momma wanted baby to be put down in a bed to sleep. Sadly, I was like that for the first week of my first daughter's life. "The book" (i.e. Babywise--who has many followers local to me) said to never hold your baby when they're sleeping--not even to put them to sleep. In an attempt to be a "good mom" I followed the book for the first week of my daughter's life. At the end of that first week I had a baby who screamed for 40 minutes waiting to eat and one that I had held only for feedings--just like the book says. I lost a whole week of enjoying many of the sweet and blessed moments of motherhood that I had so looked forward to. Devastated that I had allowed some man to steal those precious moments from me, I scrapped the book, picked my daughter up, fed her when she was hungry, held her when she wanted to be held, laid her on my chest to take naps, rocked her to sleep, and from that point on enjoyed every moment I could with my precious little baby. (And for the record, she learned to sleep through the night and in her own bed just fine!)

Okay, so I keep side-tracking. In response to this momma's comment I said that I sleep with my babies and enjoy those precious moments--you should have seen the looks I got! (Although everyone politely kept their mouths shut.)

So, I just want to clarify what co-sleeping is and what co-sleeping isn't. There are many definitions or concepts of co-sleeping. Yes, co-sleeping can be one big happy family sharing a bed together. Yes, co-sleeping can be a new momma sleeping in a bed with her little new born snuggled up next to her--let me tell you, that's a whole lot more comfortable that trying to get out of bed to feed a baby in the middle of the night when you have a bazillion stitches and hemorrhoids in your bottom! (TMI, I know. :)

But by definition, co-sleeping is a family sleeping closely together for the comfort and convenience of all involved in the family. This does not mean that everyone necessarily shares a bed. All of you who sleep with a cradle or bassinet in your room for those first weeks? You're technically co-sleeping!

No, in all honesty, I rarely sleep in the same bed as my kids because that is neither comfortable or convenient for me. I'm a super light sleeper, and to have my kids in my bed keeps me from falling into a deep enough sleep to get any rest. My oldest daughter moves to much, and I usually move to the couch when she climbs into our bed. :) With my little babies, I'm too nervous about them suffocating (because as a new momma, I'm too exhausted to be very alert when I fall asleep), that I end up not sleeping at all if the baby is in bed with me. I do keep the baby in a bassinet right up against the bed so I am close by. I also unashamedly love to take naps on the couch with that precious newborn laying on my chest--just the two of snoozing away together. What sweet moments! But if my kids need us in the middle of the night, our bed becomes their bed. And if our kids are sick, they usually end up in our bed because it's just easier to take care of them if they're right there.

I agree that co-sleeping, by what many think it to be, can be hazardous. As I mentioned, I know that as a new momma I'm too tired to be an alert sleeper in the bed, so I don't keep my little baby with me. However, some momma's sleep better with that baby right there, knowing that baby is safe.

Co-sleeping is a practice where the family sleeping arrangements help each member of the family to get the best night's rest without causing fear, discomfort, distrust, or feelings of abandonment on the child (CIO). We are here as parents, mom's especially, to be love and comfort for our children. Co-sleeping, for many moms, is a way to provide that for their children while also taking care of mommy's health and rest as well.

Dream Date

I've recently gotten it stuck in my head that I really want to go on a date with my husband. I've been a bit more clingy with him recently. I don't know really how to explain it. We're a pretty "hands off" couple I guess you could say. We enjoy each other's company, but rarely do we take time to enjoy it without the kids. We're not all googly eyed over each other. We're more of a "mature" couple. Sometimes I wish we were more googly eyed and less mature. I sometimes wish we hadn't treated our dating relationship and marriage more like a business arrangement in order to avoid being one of those nasty, mushy couples all over our college campus that just gross people out.

Anyway, recently when I've been out I'll pass something and I'll think, "If we ever went on a date, I'd like to go there." Ever is a key word there. Since I think we've been on maybe five dates since our three-year-old was born, and two of three of those would have been his company Christmas banquet, so perhaps doesn't count. So here are a few of the place that I've noted recently (and that I can still remember)...

Starbucks - grande chai creme frappucino

Olive Garden - once my favorite Italian restaurant, but the last two times I went I wasn't overly impressed. I also like Macaroni Grille. But something Italian, with alfredo sauce, and mushrooms, and either chicken or grilled shrimp, and a big salad with lots of tomatoes....yummm...

Domino's - LOVE me some Domino's pizza with extra, extra, extra (no kidding) mushrooms and extra cheese, light on the sauce, hand tossed crust

Cinnabons - not really a major favorite, but it smelled good when I walked past it in the mall today. :)

Marble Slab - along with Oreos, ice cream is a major weakness for me. But unlike Oreos, I never allow myself the pleasure of spending money on it. I can usually get Oreos cheaper. But I LOVE ice cream!! And Marble Slab makes ice cream fun!

Beach - We use to go to the beach during or after sunset with a light breeze blowing and sand crabs running around in the sand and the moon reflecting off of the water. This was before kids and when we lived 10 minutes closer to the beach than we do now. :) As we walked, hand-in-hand talking about who knows what (especially now since we haven't done this since the kids were born ) the gentle breeze would just blow our cares and burdens out with the rolling tide.

Games - I LOVE games--and my husband HATES them. But wouldn't it be fun to end an evening with one (or two) challenging games of Scrabble or Backgammon or Hand and Foot or something?

Conversation - I don't know if it's even possible or realistic to think we could have a conversation without talking about the kids. Sometimes I try to remember what we talked about before we had kids, and I really can't remember. But just to have a conversation without, "Excuse me. Excuse me. Mommy, I said excuse me." Or the 15 month old yelling, "Pleeeease," as she vigorously rubs her chest with the sign. Uninterrupted conversation...I really don't think we would know what to do or what to talk about!


These are just some hastily "scribble" ideals for a dream date. What would your dream date be?

There Are Some Things Girls Just Know

Princess - I never taught my daughter what princesses (or princes) are. She hasn't seen any Disney, and overall, we've avoided fairy tales. For Christmas she got Disney princess panties from her grandmother, but that's about the extent of her exposure to princesses. Yet she still pretends to be a princess, and she calls Daddy her prince. And you're hard put to get her to wear any of the 30 pair of panties she has if it's not one of the 7 pair of princess panties!

Twirly dresses - I remember begging my mom for twirly dresses. My daughter doesn't quite beg for them (not yet anyway) but both girls love them. They somehow know when you put a certain dress on them that it's a good one for twirling around in. I never told my girls to spin around and watch their dress twirl. They just knew!

Tea Parties - My daughter also enjoys playing tea party. We've never really had one (although i plan to do one with her friends). She got a tea set for her birthday, and without me telling her what the function of each piece was, she laid out the tray, placed the cups and teapot on it, carried it to her table, and started pouring tea. It was like instinct!

Flirting - Even at 15 months old, my youngest one knows how to get what she wants out of people, and both girls know how to play their Daddy! They sidle up to you and give you a sheepish, coy smile, and sweetly say, "Pleeeeeease." No one needs to teach children (not really just girls I guess) how to be adorable beggars!

Modeling - Recently I went to take a picture of my three-year-old, and she put on this perfect Vogue stance with an air of dramatic flair and a saucy smile before I could snap her picture. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I have no idea where that came from! But it was cute!

Each of these things allude to the "frilly" nature of girls. A characteristic I wish to preserve in my daughter. I once use to think that I wasn't against feminine rights of equality and such. And while, to a certain degree, I'm not an anti-feminist, to another degree I am. Why should it be wrong for our girls to learn that it's right and natural for them to be and like frilly, dainty things? Why does society push princess objects at our kids when they're young, but then somewhere in the pre-teen years, you rip the fairy-tales away, throw them into reality, and tell them that girls aren't to be dainty and frilly, and if a man treats you like a "weaker vessel" than it's discrimination? Isn't that what you taught them through the years of sitting them down in from of Disney princess movies?

Just some controversial issue to tack onto the end of an otherwise nice post...leave it to me.

Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes...

When my husband and I were dating we decided we would not have a television in our home. Both sets of parents mocked our decision, and my mother said, "Wait til you have kids." As with everything else in my life, I wanted to prove her negative-ism toward me wrong. Anytime we even thought about having a tv, just those words from my mother were enough to stop my thoughts in their tracks.
But I didn't realize that there was another venue besides television that would allow us to watch videos, movies, and even tv shows: the internet--primarily YouTube and Hulu. Sadly, this was introduced to me just after my first daughter was born--this and Facebook. These two "resources" became my sole forms of entertainment in those first several months of adjusting to be "stuck at home" all the time. But we still held to our decision not to have a tv in our home.
We had numerous reasons for our decision. The primary one being that anytime you're in a home with a television, that television is always set up in a spot that makes it the center of attention in the home--and if it's there, it's going to be turned on. It always drove us crazy when either of us was home during school vacations how the tv just seemed to always be on. My husband decided we would never set up a tv as a center focal point of our home or as a primary form of entertainment. (Good goals, right?)
I find it a lame excuse to say that sitting around the tv is quality family time. Quality family time consists of fellowshipping and interacting with one another--this is not done while everyone's eyes are glued to a tv screen. If anything, the opposite happens. Frustration arises when one person rustles in the bag of chips and no one else can hear because they're too noisy. Annoyance takes hold when someone starts to walk from the room and for some reason pauses in front of the tv screen and no one can see. Rather than bonding with one another, family members become contentious.
Another reason was because there is so little good on tv. To define good, I mean something that you don't need to apologize to God for watching or listening to. Why place such a distraction and temptation in our home? Why put something in front of our eyes and ears that we have to so closely monitor? Why not keep that temptation far from us? As I've told my daughter when she likes to walk the line as close to something as she can, "When mommy tells you to stay away from something, you need to stay as far away as you can." We said, "I will put no wicked thing before mine eyes..." Psalm 101:3.

But somehow, that wicked contraption ended up in our home. It's bothered me ever since the day we hooked it up as a tv, but recently it has become a great frustration to me. We were in the market for a new computer monitor, and my husband wanted something bigger. While in WalMart one night he looked at tv sets and found one at a great clearance price, and purchased that as our new monitor. That lasted for a while, but for me it was TOO big to sit so close to it. So it got moved to the living room and was set up as a tv. It seemed pretty innocent since all we get is about 15 channels, and all we watched was PBS. But then we started watching other tv shows recently, and we had some DVDs given to us. The girls wake up an hour apart in the morning, so PBS would keep Emma entertained in the morning. When I have extra work to do around the house and just need to keep them entertained, I pop them in front of the tv. When my husband comes home and needs some extra time to relax, he turns on the tv because it distracts the girls from bothering him. Sunday afternoons they'll sit in front of the tv and enjoy a bowl of popcorn as a snack before church. It almost feels as if we wouldn't be able to function if the tv were taken from our home!
This is what I wanted to avoid. My girls are extremely active and have very active imaginations--they don't need a tv. Yes, it can be educational, but my daughter was doing just fine learning her alphabet and counting before we had a tv. The tv is not to be her teacher!
And what is she seeing and hearing on tv? I'm very careful about what goes in the eye gate of my girls. I also try to be just as careful about what goes in the ear gate. Until recently, I thought I was doing a good job. But a few weeks ago, my three-year-old started saying, "Oh, gunt." It took til the second time she said it to understand she was trying to say something along the lines of, "Oh, gosh." (At least, I thought that's what she was saying. I've realized since then that it's possible that she was just making up a word because that's a new learning phase she is going through.) I talked to her about how some words are not good words to say and that the her God's feelings when we say them. I told her that "gosh" was one of those words and she isn't to say it.
I had honestly never heard that word on any of her shows, but at least twice since then I have heard it and she immediately jumped up and said, "He said 'Oh, gosh,' Mommy. That's a bad word." So while this isn't what I would have chosen, I have used this as a learning tool to tell her that we can't watch things and listen to things that say bad words, and we turn off her show. I've also picked up on the word, "gee" over the last few days. How did I miss this? I'm really not that desensitized, am I? I never watched stuff with cussing or bad stuff in it when I was growing up, so I guess I just assumed I wasn't desensitized to what was on tv.
Due to these circumstances, I've become highly frustrated that we've allowed that tv into our home, and I'm ashamed that I've allowed it to become a focal point and a babysitter for my kids. I hope to rectify this soon. I've only just mentioned this to my husband, so I don't know what our decision will be as far as rectifying this. I know my kids will (dramatically) fall apart without a tv--at least for the first several days. I know I would greatly miss using the tv to allow me to get some things done.
Is it completely wrong to use a tv as a babysitter once in a while? Is it wrong to keep a tv in a home just for an occasional viewing? These and so many other questions keep whirling around in my head. I know the Lord will help us know what to do and what decision to make for our family.
I want so greatly to protect my girls from the wickedness and perversions of this world. Everything that goes in their eye gate they see and for the most part remember--especially when they see the same episode several times! And everything that (again, especially repeatedly) goes in the ear gate, gets repeated. Rather than correcting my child for repeating something that I allowed her to hear, should I not keep her from hearing it in the first place? If we put good into our kids, then they will learn and understand what is good. They will sin plenty because that is their nature. Why must I encourage that sin by placing temptation in front of them?
And this doesn't even touch on the music that they're hearing in the various kids shows that they've seen...

Mom2Mom - Moms blessing Moms

The logo on the new Mom2Mom t-shirts accurately describes how the Mom2Mom sale has affected our family. I want to give a special thanks to Anne and Lisa and to their families for all of the hard work and time that they put into our local Mom2Mom sale. I know these families sacrifice quite a bit of time, not just for the one week of each sale they hold, but year round as they prepare sale flyers, update and perfect their tagging system and software, building more racks for clothes to hang on, reserving facilities, and SOOO much more. Just watching Anne and Lisa at the sales makes me tired!

One tough financial decision in today's economy is to choose to be a stay-at-home mom and live on one income. But God promises to provide for our needs. Along with blessing us with children, God also blessed us with the Mom2Mom sale. Anne and Lisa, I want you to know how much God has used your hard work in the life of my family . I want you to know that I greatly appreciate all that your families put into these sales.

I grew up living off of hand-me-down clothes, and not ones that fit. We got the bags of clothes that people didn't even want to take to Goodwill. But that is how God provided for my family growing up. Naturally, every parent wants better for their child, and I am no different. But my husband works for a ministry, and while one income is a struggle for anyone, ours is a rather small one. I couldn't see that my children would possibly have better than I had growing up. But then, when I was pregnant with my first daughter, someone asked me if I had heard of the Mom2Mom sale. I was told it was a consignment sale where I might be able to find some things for our new baby.

Might was such an understatement. When I showed up for my first shopping trip at a Mom2Mom sale, I was SO overwhelmed! I think I spent the first hour just standing there watching everyone. It was incredible!

Thanks to Anne and Lisa and the work that they and their families do, my girls have all of their clothing needs met, and even come out with some things on their (or Mommy's) "want" list. I had never shopped in real stores for clothes for myself, and now I never shop in real stores for my kids. Yet, unless I told people (which I do, why not brag on God's goodness!), no one would ever know that my kids clothes were pre-owned. My girls wear all big-name brand clothing, and can hob-knob with the "preppy" kids, and never feel out of place or ashamed of their appearance. While some people boast how much they paid for their kids clothing and other items, I boast on how little!

Even Mommy has benefited from the sale! Of course I've found maternity clothes there, but I've also found many of my normal, everyday wear in the juniors section. So, it doesn't help me look my age, but it keeps us on budget!

I have also been blessed to work with Anne and Lisa for volunteer shifts each sale, and they are always such a sweet blessing to me. I've interacted more with Lisa than with Anne, and I always walk away feeling so encouraged and like she's a good friend, even though we only talk twice a year!

I've had people ask me if I shop at Mom2Mom, and my honest answer is always, "I don't shop anywhere else!" Very, very rarely do I set foot in a "real" store in search of clothes, and almost as rarely do I go to a store in search of any other children's item. God has truly used the Mom2Mom sale to bless our family and provide for our needs and even to fulfill some of our desires.

Money in the Bank!

My (almost) three year old loves money---don't we all?! While many people will say that you shouldn't discuss money with young children because it adds an unnecessary burden to their young shoulders, I beg to differ. I do agree that there is no need to lay a heavy responsibility on a young person where money is concerned. Meaning, they don't need you to tell them about all of your bills that are (barely) getting paid, all of your outstanding debt, that you might not have a house if you don't pay a certain bill, etc. But I do think that we can start instilling important values in our children at a very young age to help them to understand the importance of being responsible with their money---and hopefully, they won't have to worry about all of the problems mentioned in the previous sentence!

In my home growing up, money was always scarce, and it was a burden to every member of our family. But there was still a credit card. We might not be able to put food on the table or pay bills, but if there was something that my dad really wanted, or if there was something that really had to be paid, out came the credit card. Neither my husband nor I were really trained in how to manage finances, and in my case, that's because my parents didn't manage theirs. They just survived--somehow. No one ever taught us that if you don't have the cash in the bank to pay for it, then don't put it on a credit card.
We've had a long, hard road in the short five years we've been married, and a lot of debt has been put on credit cards. We would have loved to do the Dave Ramsey program, but we couldn't even afford to do that by the time we realized how far we had sunk. We are (slowly) by the grace of God, beginning to float back to the top of the pool we have been drowning in. Over a year ago we chopped up all of our credit cards and started living cash-only. Not an easy thing to do when we are living on one income and our debt was 60% of our annual income!

I desperately tried to learn how to save money with coupons, and was failing miserably. The only thing that kept me fighting my way through sales ads, coupon clipping and organizing, money-saving blogs, and all the lingo floating around on those sites is that fact that I had to do this. Couponing was going to be key in our fight for survival. God brought two ladies along my path who each had been couponing for a while and each held a couponing class. Between these two classes, and the fact that I'd been trying my hand at this for some months prior to a class, I began to have "successful" money-saving shopping trips. The fight was hard, my stress level (and sometimes my blood pressure) was high, but I kept plugging away. Eventually, I was bringing home receipts of 50%, 70% and even 90% savings! Now it's the norm for me to see such savings reflected on my receipt, and I get disappointed when I have to buy basic items that never go on sale and my receipt doesn't reflect at least a 30% savings. I still get elated with each money-saving shopping trip.

We now actually have a savings account and money in that account! Each month I pull out the budgeted amount of money for groceries (in cash), and each month I have a goal for how much I want to have left in my wallet at the end of the month. Some months it is more, and some it is less, but whatever it is, that excess goes into our savings account. Last month our bank account actually had money left in it at the end of the month! And we put that into savings. Each time I get a cash-rebate on an item, rather than putting that money back into my grocery budget, we automatically deposit the rebate into our savings account.

So now we are a cash-only household with a growing savings account---but still a small mountain of debt remaining. At the beginning of this year we sat down and wrote out some financial goals. Our main goal was to be out of debt by the end of this year. We've had a few hindrances and obstacles come up, but we're still aiming for it anyway. Emma, a major Daddy's girl, frequently complains or asks about Daddy going to work. But she also will tell you why he goes to work, so that we can live in our house and have food to eat and can put gas in our car. I think we can easily relay these concepts of earning and spending money into our children at an early age.

We don't share our financial burdens with our daughter. But she does know that sometimes we can't do things because they cost too much money. Why shouldn't a child be taught such a thing? It would be a bigger crime for both the parent and the child if the parent indulged the child's every whim, and the child never had a concept of paying his way. (I went to college with plenty of kids who had no concept of paying for anything--I often wondered (and still do) how those kids survive once they hit the real world and have to start earning their keep.) My daughter will often tell someone, "I want to do something, but we can't because we don't have lots and lots of money," or something along those lines. I'm not teaching her that so people can feel sorry for her and giver her a hand-out. I'm teaching her that so that she realizes that we can't just have whatever we want whenever we want it. In part this is teaching her to deny her flesh. One thing we stress over and over is that God has blessed us with the things we have, and that we need to remember to be thankful for what He has given us. Now when we say something like that she will stop what she's doing and thank God for whatever item we are talking about at the moment. (She's so cute!) It is important to help my child learn thankfulness and contentment.

Over the last few months, there have been large things that Emma has asked for and has been told that we can't do because we don't have enough money. At this point, the concept of money was too far over her head. So we decided to bring it down to her level, and now I'm getting to the real point of this whole post. We discussed some jobs that we knew or thought she should be able to handle, and we downloaded a chore chart for her, and customized it in Adobe. To get this:
We've been doing this now for three weeks, and it is now habit for her to open the blinds when she gets up and close them when Daddy comes home (or the sun goes down). She still needs reminded to put on clean panties each day. :) But each of these items on this list are becoming habit now. No, we don't make our three-year-old take out the trash, but she likes to put the clean bag in the can, so we made that one of her jobs. These are simple tasks, but she's learning responsibility, and she love to be able to put a star on the chart! (We had been using stickers, but ran out, so now I just draw a star on the chart.) For each completed chart she gets $1.
Up to this point, we still haven't gotten to the money side of the chart yet. She knows that when she does a job she gets a star, and when all of the boxes have stars she gets money. She also knows that she is saving her money to go to the circus, "A long time away," in October. But because I've had no easy way of keeping track of her money, I haven't really paid her anything yet. In addition to saving money for the circus, I wanted her to begin learning the concept of offering her money to God. She already takes money to Sunday School each week, but of course it's our money. Since she is going to be making money, I want her to understand that it needs to be her money that goes in the offering. I also think it would be nice for her to have some money of her own to spend on something from time to time. And so, after a (very) little bit of searching, I found this:I love it!! This is a transparent (meaning my daughter can see what's in it) piggy bank with 4 different compartments: save, spend, donate (offering), and invest. The only thing that could make it better is if it kept track of how much was in there! I think this just landed high on her birthday list. :) I've noticed in the last few days a lack of excitement in her chores. While I do want her to obey because she was told to do something, this is a little different. This is a job she was given and told she'd be paid for. Wouldn't you lose your enthusiasm for your job if you weren't getting paid (or rewarded)? Well, I think this will help bring the excitement back as she'll be able to see the money she's earning and be able to begin learning now the responsibility of saving some, the freedom of spending some, and the reward of giving some. Not sure what to do with the "invest" section yet. :)

I saw some systems that do keep track of the child's money, like an ATM system. But she will tell you that credit cards are pretend money and are not good to use. I thought it would be somewhat backward reasoning if we got her something that required her to use a debit card. If someone else has something they've used or an idea they like, I'm open for suggestions!

Help Wanted! (Status Restrictions Apply!)

I grew up--well, during my teenage years--serving in a church. I taught Sunday School and Jr. Church, I worked in the nursery, I sang in church regularly, I played clarinet or piano in church. I cleaned the church. I helped plan and organize functions. I did set up and clean up for numerous functions. I was in a place where servants were needed, and for the most part, nobody was turned away.

Then I went to college. Church was a bit different because it was HUGE, and certain requirements were needed in order to serve in different areas. In the long run, I wasn't able to do much for church because I worked through most church services. I did manage to work in the church nursery a few semesters.

After college, my husband and I were members of and served in a small, local church where had interned during college. Again, we had the opportunity to serve. We sang in church, we worked in the bus ministry (which I loved!), we taught Jr. Church, I helped with dinner on the grounds, I helped with the annual teen banquet--again, pretty much nobody who was willing was turned away.

For multiple reasons, we moved away from that local church and began attending another local church--a much larger local church. The church services are broadcasted, so much work goes into any type of special music done in church. My instrumental talents are not good enough to be used in church. I have neither the appearance or am of the right clique to be able to sing in church. I could be in choir, except that the practice times are difficult for our family to work with with our children.
I was asked at some point to be a backup nursery supervisor. I was very excited. The nursery is probably on my top-three list of areas to serve in a church. One time I was asked ahead of time if I could cover a service, and I had to say no. I was then removed from the list--but I was notified. I just kind of noticed one day. Partly because I kept volunteering to cover shifts when I knew someone would be out. Or on those Sundays when babies are many but workers are few, I would volunteer to help. I would be told, "No, I think we'll be okay." And then see other people filling those spots instead. I know I shouldn't be so petty and sensitive about things, but this was something I wanted and love to do. Perhaps because my parenting philosophies so greatly differ from many in the nursery? I don't know. I could handle it if I knew why I can't do more in there!
Some of the other areas of interest are not necessarily the "fault" of the church that we're not serving in them. We would love to work in the Sunday night children's ministry. However, the man who heads up that ministry has been--difficult--with my husband on the day-to-day job front. So for that reason alone, my husband doesn't feel like dealing with him at church. I realize this is a problem on our side. But this could be a down fall to everyone working and living and going to church all at one place! Again, however, because of our children, serving in this ministry would not be overly convenient since they are still too young to participate in that ministry, and no nursery is provided during part of that time.
I love to coordinate functions and help with set-up and break-down from different functions at normal churches. However, our church has a catering service that takes care of everything for normal functions. So there's no need for help in that area, either.

Overall, we chose the church we're in, and I do prefer the structure of the children's ministries at this church, which is the primary reason we chose this church. Once it came to deciding on church because of how are kids would be trained and influenced by the people at church, we chose this one. But I long to be back in a place where servants are needed and wanted. Where people offer help, and they are gladly accepted. Where no matter who you are, where you've been, who you know, who you're related to (okay, well that will come up at any church!), or what you look like (not just facial appearance, but clothing and hairstyle as well), as long as you're a willing vessel, you can still be used.

Off the Cuff - On Biblical Discipline

***Off the Cuff means just that--this post is written off the cuff. There may be references to something I read somewhere or saw somewhere, and I will try to give as many specifics off of the top of my head as possible, but this is not a research paper. If I quote someone, I will cite it. But this is not intended to be a thorough examination of a topic. Rather, a way for me to get some thought rolling from my head and onto paper. Generally my "Off the Cuff" posts will be something that I am currently researching or planning to research more thoroughtly, and I will hopefully post a more thorough "research paper" on the subject when a conclusion is reached.***

This is by NO means a post of guidance for others searching out methods of biblical discipline. Rather, these are some ramblings from when researching other methods of discipline. I just like to put my thoughts on paper, so I'll just ramble here. :)

The methods of discipline that I grew up under are a far cry from the methods of discipline that I want my children to be guided and trained by. There is no need for yelling, abusive-like hitting, name calling, grudge-holding, day-long fighting/arguing, or anything else so extreme. One might say that if there were day-long arguments ensuing between parent and child, that I obviously was being disciplined or trained properly. But I disagree. Arguing and challenging authority was exactly what I was being trained to do, while being disciplined for it at the same time. I also submit that to punish and to train are two different things, and that to discipline and to train, while they often do go hand-in-hand, are not synonymous terms.

I think first, what needs to be determined is the purpose for training. There are numerous books on parenting, each giving a method of disciplining and training a child. But why do we train our children? I'm sure all parenting books written from a "Christian" perspective will claim that their purpose is to help you lead your child to Christ. And afterall, isn't that every Christian parent's ultimate goal? But how many parents think of the word "train"? Don't most think that to punish? Isn't every young parent told by their parents, their peers, their pastor, and even by books that they need to: "Spank that child (more)", "Let that baby cry it out", "Don't be afraid to let them know who's the parent!" How many young parents stop and ask, "What is the purpose of what I am doing to my child?" Do they stop to think, "Am I doing this so that my child does what I want?" Or do they ask themselves, "Is this going to help my child know and understand the love of God?" As Christians, our purpose should be to train our children in the ways of God. With this in mind, I believe our care and training of our children should reflect the way that God cares for and trains us.

Once you've determined your purpose for training, you might better be able to determine your method of discipline. It is important to note that the Bible does not give a fool-proof method of child rearing. So for one method to claim to be the biblical way is dangerous, because the Bible is overly clear on one right way. This leaves it up to the parent, in wisdom and through God's guidance, along with a healthy relationship and knowledge of the child, to decide what is best for the parent, the child, and the family.

Many books, though not said in so many words, conduct a parent to train a child for selfish means. Some parenting books will guide a parent to repeatedly spank or whip child until the child bends to the parent's will immediately upon a command being given. The one example that I have is the book, To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. It has been several months since I began reading their book. (I never finished it because I disagreed with it. But I do plan to go back and finish it for the purpose of research.) I remember a part of his book where he suggests whipping a child until the child has no more breath with which to cry or complain. How anyone can read this and not have warning bells of "this sounds abusive" ringing in their heads baffles me! I believe his methods of parenting to be very selfish. There was another point in his book where he uses an example of a mother telling her children to go play, and even one child had been hurt, the children knew not to come for the mother because that would be disobeying. How selfish of a parent to train a child to not be an inconvenience! And that is exactly what his book guides parents to do. He doesn't say as much, because then a parent wouldn't follow his teaching. We are God's children, and he most certainly does not treat us like we are an inconvenience. And going back to the example of the hurt child, God wants to hear from us. But this child knew that at that moment, her mother didn't want to hear from her. How sad. Pearl suggests in his book that his methods are a necessary key for leading a young child to know God. But just by this one example, how did that parent teach her child the love of God? All that mother has taught her child is that God is a God of convenience and judgment (for judgment would have ensued for that little girl had she disturbed her mother when she had been directed not to.) In my opinion, the Pearl methods show one side of God: judgment.

On a flip side, there is another method of parenting which I have recently been introduced to called Grace Based Discipline (GBD). I have been reading some about this on Gentle Christian Mothers (GCM). I haven't read too much on this site, but it is an anti-spanking philosophy. I know, nearly every Christian reading this just started shaking their heads and saying, "Well, that's not biblical." But I attempted to be open-minded while reading the Pearl's book, and I am attempting to be open-minded while reading through this site. However, while I disagree with the Pearl's method of all-judgment, from what I've read so far on this site, it seems to be a method of all-grace. It almost seems like a totally opposite extreme. But, I'm still not completely ruling it out. God is neither just judgment or just grace. He is both, and I think this needs to be considered when trying to use training to mold our child's character as well as leading our child to Christ.

Another site that was shared with me is I Take Joy. (I confess that I hesitated to look at the sight because the title so closely reflected the name of the Pearl's ministry.) I have enjoyed what I have read so far on this site, but I've only just begun. So far, she seems to be more along my practical, logical way of thinking. Still of a GBD mindset, but her articles at least are written with more common logic and from a less defensive stand point that some of the ones I read on the GCM site.

I know that I've already tuned a lot of people out just by suggesting that spanking may not be biblical, or at least the only or preffered option of discipline and correction. But just remember, these are just the ramblings of a person who is looking and learning. Also remember that just because it's been done before (and just because it's worked in the past) doesn't mean it's right. I believe the Pearl's (or other punitive) method to be pragmatic. One word that I've always remembered for a highschool Bible lesson was pragmatism. The definition our Bible teacher gave us was, "The end does not justify the means." You can lead people to Christ by holding rock concerts and throwing out Bibles, does that make it the right way to go about doing it? Sure, you may be able to lead your child to Christ by whipping them into shape, but where is the love in that? You're not loving the child, and you definitely aren't demonstrating God's love for that child. (I also contend that that child, if he really comes to Christ, has the wrong view of God and His grace.) The next time your child squirms in his seat after you told him to be still, before you take that child over you knee and blister his poor little bum, stop and think about the last time you got distracted from what God had told you to do and how lovingly God guided you back to the way He called you to.