Monday Market

A review of my last few shopping trips. Today and yesterday was incredible! I'm blessed to live in the land of Publix! This past weekend we enjoyed all of Kellogg's cereals and Pop-Tarts at 50% off. Though this is not much different from a BOGO sale, it was beneficial if you only had an odd number of coupons. My husband is a cereal hound--he could seriously eat a box of cereal in one sitting. I find this incredible because I can't really stand cereal, so I don't understand someone eating a whole box in one sitting! So, anytime we can get cereal for cheap (or free) we stock up as much as we can!

So, yesterday we ran to Publix (just the hubs and me!) to take advantage of the Kellogg's sale. (Sad when your idea of a date night is a quick grocery store trip!) We got 8 boxes of Special K, a bag of kettle chips, some dried pineapple (both of these items were splurges because DH went with me), and a bottle of coffee creamer for my mom who is staying with us for a few days (hence the reason we were able to go out with no kids). One box of Special K is regularly $3.99. For all of the items I just listed, we paid $6.80! According to the receipt, that's a savings of $27.51!

I did my real shopping trip today. Since my mother has been in town, I've been a little slower about getting my list and coupons together. But I've been trying to convince her that all of this coupon-stuff is worth the effort. So I dragged her to Publix with me this morning and proved it. We got 30 items, two of which were Poise pads for my mom (and for the Kimberly-Clark rebate). Each of these packages are over $13. My complete transaction total came to $23.29! That's about $3 less than just the two packs of pads for my mom! I was so thrilled to get to show her this incredible savings! And I'll still be getting back a $10 Publix gift card (or rather, my mom will be). So, in reality, today's trip will have cost $13.29! My receipt says savings of $91.30, but when we consider the rebate, it will be savings of $101.30. Wow!

I came home with rain checks for a few items, one of which is the Kraft Homestyle Mac n Cheese. I have a child with dairy allergies, so I never get mac n cheese anymore, but I love it! So I'm excited for this opportunity to try it for free. :)

I love coupons and Publix. And I'm ever so thankful for the people who patiently helped me learn this coupons system!

My Two Little Pets

I have two of the most adorable little girls EVER!

Emma is almost three, and she's my little monkey. Since she was about five months old, she was pulling up on stuff and trying to climb. If she got a good grip on something...your shirt, the car door as you were putting her in, anything...you could let go, and she would hold on tight and hang there for forever! She is such a joy. She is easily trainable, very sweet and loving, and very thoughtful of the needs and feelings of others. She is very inquisitive (aren't all 2.5 year olds!), and, in my opinion, very smart for for an almost-three-year-old. She is a great big helper, although a little too eager to help sometimes. :)

Edith is my little froggy...or salamander. I still haven't decided which. She loves to jump and bounce, and is just as happy (if not more so) in water as she is on "dry land." So, I've always called her my little froggy. But as a crawler, she always looked like a little salamander crawling around. But, typically, I always call her my little froggy. She's a spitfire, and definitely the stereo-typical bratty little sister! She know exactly how to push her big sister's buttons, and is very good a drawing out those oh-so-dramatic reactions out of her sister. She was a rather difficult baby, but as a result I was introduced to the wonderful world of baby wearing. But now, a year later, you would never believe that this sweet, smiling, bubbly little girl was once the fussiest baby I had come across in a long time! She is such a unique personality (I know, we all are). She is a thinker, and very mechanically minded. From a very early age (before she could even crawl) she has enjoyed pulling toys apart and attempting to put them back together. She studies what we do and imitates everything. I know babies do this to a certain extent, but her study is more of her personality rather than just a baby characteristic.

My girls are the joy of my life, and I can't imagine life without them. I am SO thankful for the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-mom so that I don't have to miss one bit of their lives, but also so that I am aware of every influence in their lives. God has given me such a great responsibility with these two blessings (and any others that He gives us in the future), and shame on me if I shirk that responsibility and hand it over to someone else.

Hello World of Mommy Bloggers!

About a year ago I started another blog just to see what I thought of blogging, and primarily to enter giveaways. I've enjoyed what I've seen of the mommy-blogger world, and would love to be more involved. I still don't know where some mommies find the time to blog, or where I'll find the time, but I want to do this!

For anyone who would like to visit my other blog, it is http://sensensensitivity.blogspot.com/. I've since decided on a much more fitting blog title (and a more catchy one, too!), and the title is the primary reason I'm starting this second blog. I just didn't fully like the name of my original blog. I already have a design in mind for my blog, once I get to that point!

The title for this blog comes from one of my daughter's books about a kangaroo with her pouch full of several different pets who hopped into her pouch to be cuddled when they were sleepy. At the end of the story, she finds her baby kangaroo (whom she's been searching for through the whole story) and all of the other animals get out so her baby can get in. I just like the story, and I like the title. My design idea is to have a "picture" of me with all of my "pets" (i.e. kids) in a sling or wrap "pouch" on the front of me. I can't wait til I get the actual design on my blog. It may be a while, though.

A little bit more about me. I'm a SAHM of two girls (so far), currently ages 2.5 years and 1 year. I have many things I've become passionate about since becoming a mother, and one of the many purposes of this blog will be to share (and sometimes vent) about these passions. I'm a MAJOR pro-life, pro-natural birth, pro-breastfeeding, pro-baby wearing advocate. I'm also a serious couponer (I won't say extreme, because I'm nothing near as good as some of the people on the new TLC show.). I've been couponing for about a year, and enjoying bragging about some of my finds. I have yet to decide whether I will keep my deals posts on my old blog, or keep all of my stuff on this blog. I'm into crafting and sewing, when I have time for it. I LOVE to cook and bake. I have one child with food allergies which has forced an extra measure of creativity to my kitchen creations. I like so many different things and have so many different interests, that I may seem confusing at some points with so many varying posts. But the primary purpose of my blog is to journal and share who I am and what I do. I'm not a person with many "real life" friends. Most of my friends are people I've connected with on the internet via Facebook and blogs. I look forward to finding new friends and comrades as I grow my blog.

Jesus Love Me, THIS I know!

A little over a year ago, I delivered my third child (my second live birth), and fell almost instantly into the abyss of post partum depression. I'd hear of this horrible, dark, emotional valley where women were "emotionally unstable," and even some couldn't stand to be around the precious baby that they had just delivered. I couldn't fathom not whole-heartedly loving that precious little life and feeling giddy over the baby's presence. But then, one day, I woke up in that same dark valley...only I didn't realize it until months later.

I brought my second daughter home from the hospital ready to take on the challenge of parenting a toddler and caring for my newborn babe. However, this emotional high seemed to catch the tail wind of a storm, and was blown far, far away from me. Two days after I was released from the hospital, my mother (who had been at my house for three weeks because my stubborn little girl didn't want to come out) had to return home. My husband had already returned to work, and I found myself home alone with a four day old baby and a almost two-year-old who went from being Madame Independence to Madame Dependence. An my new baby was not as easy going as her big sister had been! On top of this, I had four absessed wisdom teeth that were causing extreme pain, and all I could focus on was my own misery. I hated changing diapers, I hated fixing meals, I hated caring for my family, and the one thing I would have never believe possible--I felt I hated my children. I almost cringe just thinking those words. At my two week check up with my midwife I shared with her the truth of how I was feeling, hoping that by confessing these emotions, they would go away. She "lectured" me on finding time for myself (something mommies definitely don't get, especially mommies of such young children!), and she told me to find time alone for just me and my husband. Following this appointment, I went over to the dentist to have all four wisdom teeth extracted (kids in tow!). Now I had even more reason to be miserable.
I praise the Lord that I have always been a level-headed person who has been able to act outside of my emotions. Not to say that I always do. But through this time of depression, I was able to talk to myself with logic and keep myself going. Otherwise, I'm afraid I would have caused myself or my children harm just by being neglectful.
My eldest longed for Mommy to be the same, attentive Mommy that she'd always known, and my youngest nursed and cried all the time. Neither one of them were good sleepers. It didn't help here, that I didn't care to make meals for myself, so I was eating a proper diet for breastfeeding around the clock. So that just added to my exhaustion.
There were many days, during nap times and even at bed time, that I would be holding both of my girls in my arms, each screaming because she did not want to go to sleep, and me crying because I was SO tired and stressed, and I just wanted someone to care for me. (Not that my husband didn't, but remember I was in a well of self-pity, I didn't think he cared.) As I had always done, I one day started to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to comfort and calm my girls. But this time it was different. This time I couldn't finish the song. How could I sing these words when I felt so unloved and abandoned. My thoughts and emotions ran the gamut. "Jesus doesn't love me. If He cared even a little, He wouldn't make me go through this torture. He'd help them go to sleep. He'd let me go to sleep. He'd keep the baby from being so fussy all the time. Jesus doesn't love me!" And thus started a long road of anger and bitterness.
The postpartum depression phase subsided somewhere between 12 and 14 weeks postpartum. I remember thinking how thankful I was that I didn't have to go back to work like so many around me since I was just starting to find my footing and settle in to my new phase of motherhood. But I still struggled, and every time I felt tension between me and my kids, or between me and my husband, I blamed God. Through this, I felt SO alone. No one knew except my mother. I had no friends to talk it out with. The few adults that I did talk to, I wasn't comfortable enough with to tell them the truth. There were a few times where, in desperation for someone to help me, I dropped hints to people hoping they would catch on, but no one ever did. I know it's my fault for not just asking out right.
Well, a few months ago, I started getting my spiritual life back on track. I'm definitely still not where I should be, but I'm not angry and bitter anymore either.
God has been SO good to our family over the last year. He's taught us some hard lessons, but I think we're learning from them. The other night I was singing "Jesus Loves Me" to my youngest daughter just before laying her down for the night. As I sang, she rubbed my face with her tiny little hands, cuddled herself up against me, and kissed me about ever five seconds. My heart was ready to burst with love for her and how precious she is. She definitely wasn't an easy baby, but she is such an easy-going and joyous baby now. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I sang to her and thought, "Just her sweetness, and the two beautiful blessings I have is proof that Jesus loves me." As I thought that, I remembered back to the wretched thoughts I had a year ago while singing the same song. What a wonderful, and forgiving God I have! Jesus DOES love me, and the Bible tells me so. That should have been enough to comfort me last year, but I chose to ignore that fact. But God, in His graciousness, has shown me His love through my children. I can now sing, "Jesus me, this I know." My prayer is that, should I ever experience again the same emotional roller coaster that I did last year, that I will remember this lesson, and remember that no matter what, Jesus loves me!

1 comments:

Clueless_Mama said...

This was a very beautiful post. I know first hand that it can sometimes be hard to keep positive and remember that Jesus loves us no matter what. I am so glad that you are in a good place. I will pray that you continue to have joy in your life. Have a terrific week.

January 20, 2011 3:03 AM

No Turning Back

Well, what is a New Year for but to cause us to reflect on the past, see our mistakes, see what we can do to fix them, and make goals for the upcoming year. Along with most of the world around me, I have made some goals for next year.

I've written before about the nice, big hole of debt that we dug for ourselves over the first four years we were married. Our biggest goal for this coming year is to be completely debt-free by the next New Year. DH and I sat down last night and drew up a skeleton budget of our income and expenses for this next year, and our debt-free plan seems to be very do-able! I am SO excited! Every time I think of the fact that we can be debt-free in a year--not in ten years--I almost do a dance!

On top of becoming debt free, another goal is to have money in our savings account by the end of the year. We aimed a little high, but that was my point. I told DH to pick a realistic amount, but to aim a little high so that we had something to work towards.

Another goal is to have a smaller savings set aside for car and home maintenance--that "rainy day account" that the teacher at our home-owners class told us to make sure we have. We've already had those nice home-owner expenses pop up on us, but at that time we still had credit cards. Well, that's not an option anymore! So, unless we set up an account for this money, we'll be taking food out of our mouths to pay for these unexpected expenses. Not something I really want to do! I like my food!

My next goal is to get an upright freezer. I believe that once I have a freezer, I'll be able to cut our overall grocery spending by at least 25%, if not more. Oh, to be able to stock up on turkey (even though it's not my favorite) and hams when they're on sale, along with other meats. To be able to stock tons of fresh-picked fruits and veggies. To be able to stock up on waffles and other goodies when the go on sale for super cheap. One day!

Another goal I have for myself, but perhaps the hardest of all to achieve, is to plant and raise a garden. We have fire ants really bad where we live, and I am literally deathly allergic to fire ants. So that alone is a major deterrent to planting a garden. Another con is that I've never been successful at keeping plants alive, but I've never actually planted anything. I don't have a clue where to start or how to go about planting and caring for a garden. But I'm going to try anyway. I'd like to get a pot for our back porch to raise an herb garden. My Christmas gift this year was a dehydrator, so I'd like to be able to dry my own herbs along with other foods. Another problem with a garden is that it seems most of the easy plants to grow are something we wouldn't eat much of, such as peppers. But part of the reason I want a garden is so we can have more produce in our diet, so I guess we'll just have to learn to eat new things!

Some other small goals for myself include keeping up with my blog, keeping better track of my grocery/household spending/savings, and keeping track of our menu and things we eat. I started my blog because I love to write, and writing is the best way I express myself. But then I got so caught up in my life and happenings around me, that I could never find time to sit down and write. I am always amazed at how frequently some bloggers update, and wonder how they do it! I have to lock myself in a room away from my kids just to get five minutes on the computer! (Maybe next year I'll add a laptop to my list of goals!) I frequently start "writing" blog posts in my head, but never make it to the computer to actually "put it on paper." I would also like to keep better track of my spendings and savings. I've set up an excel spreadsheet for myself that seems to be working alright, but could probably use a bit of tweaking. But I want to know at the end of the year exactly how much I spent, how much I saved according to the receipt, how much I saved according to the bank account, and how many ECB, RR, rebates, gift cards, and other perks I received. If only my husband weren't so busy, maybe he could design a program to keep track of all of that, and I could market it! ;) I would also like to keep track of the foods we eat as a family. Not necessarily a plan-ahead menu, but when we eat something, write it down with comments as to whether or not we liked it, etc.

Another personal goal, one that didn't land on our "goals" paper, is to set aside money for a baby. We don't have maternity insurance, so we pay all expenses out of pocket for a baby. At this point we would end up in a hole if we got pregnant. I hate the feeling of dreading pregnancy just for financial reasons. When, honestly, I can't wait to get pregnant again! But there's always that lurking shadow of finances hanging his gloomy head over our bed. :( I hate thinking that we need to try to avoid pregnancy for at least another year. I know that God will provide and take care of us, which is our entire philosophy toward birth control anyway. God know what we can handle and will give us children when He sees fit. I'm just impatient!

So here's to a new year. I can't turn back the hands of time to un-do our many mistakes--how I wish I could. But I can put my trust in my great God to guide us through this next year, and to help us avoid making similar mistakes. I will have my list of goals posted in different areas of the house where we will see them any time we consider spending money, to me stay focused and not to make any unnecessary purchases. So, may this year be the best financial year we've had so far!

Happy New Year!

On My Own

How is it possible to attend a church of a few thousand people and be friendless? How is it possible to be a part of such a large ministry as we are for so long, and still be so lonely? How is it we can attend a Sunday School fellowship where more than 50 adults were present, and have no one to talk to? How can I have 347 Facebook friends, and of the handful that I would count true friends, none of them live anywhere around me?

I'm so alone, and I'm so tired of being all alone. Periodically I work myself into a nice well of self-pity and feel I could just drown in it. Around the holidays is usually the worst. I love people. I love to socialize. I love to have my home full of people, and around the holidays when fellowship is such a major theme, I have no one to fellowship with. I have many people who will paste on her smile and say "hi" to me as we pass at church, and she'll "pay her respects" when we are at a gathering together, but I have no one who I feel I could comfortably invite to my home. A Pampered Chef party is one thing, because not much fellowship is required at such gatherings. But for once, I would like to know how it feels to have some ask how I'm doing and believe that they really care to know.

The nice thing is that my children are unaffected by such snubbery. I watched my daughter openly play with the children of those who find me beneath them, and was thankful that these adults were able to allow children to be children. Oh, to be so young and carefree. To not even understand that other people wouldn't want to be friends with you. My daughter sees any child, whether at church, at the park, or at the store and she starts telling me that they are her friends. If I didn't have children, I wouldn't even have the few "friendly" acquaintances that I do have. My children are my only common ground with so many of the people around me.

Then there comes my husband. He is often times the only friend I have, but he's so busy and burdened most of the time. There are so many trivial things that I would like to just be able to talk to someone about, but since they're not of any great significance or importance, I feel I shouldn't be bothering him with such things. Even the author of "Created To Be His Helpmeet" says as much in her book. So then, who am I to turn to?

I have my mother and my one true friend Jen, but each, like myself, is so busy with her own children that phone conversations are difficult and more stressful than they are relaxing. If only we were closer together and could take our kids to a park where they would be entertained while we tried to talk with each other.

I know Christ needs to be my all in all, and I do try to remember that. But even at creation, God made Eve for Adam because it was not right for him to be alone. God recognized that humans needed the fellowship and friendship of other humans. I will continue to endeavor to make God my all, but as our relationship with God is often a reflection of our earthly relationship with humans, I often struggle in this area. The more deserted I feel by those humans around me, the more deserted I feel by God. When my husband doesn't have time or energy to listen to me, I feel God doesn't have time or energy to listen to me. When my mother (because my dad was never a good comparison to the role of my heavenly Father) doesn't have is distracted when I'm talking to her, giving a feeling of disinterest, I feel that God is too busy and distracted to listen or care for me as well.

What can I give... Poor as I am?

After 2 1/2 years of dating and 4 1/2 years of marriage, I think my husband and I have only exchanged Christmas or birthday gifts only once--maybe twice. There was always something else that we had to spend money on. Christmas gifts and birthday festivities were an unnecessary expense. However, one thing I've always like to do at Christmas time is to participate in an Angel Tree giving program. You know, those Christmas trees set up at Sam's or Walmart with an angel hanging on it that tells you to buy a gift for a 6-year-old boy or a 76-year-old lady? I think last year was the first time in several years that I didn't do one of those trees. I've always loved to give to others--sometimes to my detriment. I can't always afford to give, and so have had to learn (often times the hard way) that I shouldn't spend the money if I don't have it. However, I think it is important to give to others. Especially now that I have young children, I want them to learn to give with compassion and to realize that while they have needs (and wants) there are other children elsewhere with those same needs and desires--and that some of those children have even greater needs than my own do. Ultimately, I want them to see the needs of others as opportunities to minister the Gospel. We will not be having a Christmas this year because we will be making a very important trip to see some of my family members who may not make it to another Christmas. But in spite of that, I want to still participate in a giving program.

I have found a Christian organization that I would like to participate with this year (and in the future) and would like to encourage others to do the same. The ministry is called Operation Christmas Child and is operated by Samaritan's Purse International Relief. What you are to do is fill a shoebox full of items for a child, download a label for the box, and then drop the box off at a designated location during the week of November 15. For many of my friends, this program may end up costing you only the shipping donation of $7 that is requested to help cover the cost of shipping packages. Many of my friends have stocked up on supplies through coupons and sales, and have many free items that they could place in these shoe boxes for these children. I know many people place mounds of presents under their Christmas trees for themselves, their children, and for visiting family members. We're blessed if we have one gift under our tree each year, and these children in these hurting countries will be doubly blessed to have a shoe box placed in their hands this year. Along with these boxes goes the Gospel, as that is the heart of this ministry. These children will be handed a gift, and with that gift of love placed into their hands, it will be much easier for them to accept God's gift of love into their hearts.

Along with the list placed on the website of suggested items to put in the box, I thought of some other items that could easily fit in a shoe box and would be exciting for a child (specifically a girl) to open up. At this time of year we should be able to get flip-flops for less than $2/pair. Many of these kids would love to have shoes! Another inexpensive item could be a pillowcase dress. And along with that I thought it would be fun to place a doll in the box wearing a matching pillowcase dress. These are just a few ideas, and there are some more listed on the OCC website. How great it would be to be a part of such a ministry to others!